I’ve been sitting down to write this blogpost for a few days now and each time, have either just felt uninspired or actually ran out of time. There’s so much going on in my life, tons of lessons and insights I want to share :). Tons of growth opportunities and ways to make powerful choices in the moment.
But so my message doesn’t get too long and you can get on with your day without feeling stressed over reading for ten minutes, let me tell you about one of the most impactful things.
Just about a little over a week ago, I found myself in the emergency room in NWA in immense pain afraid that something was really wrong. Let me backtrack to a few weeks ago, about a month and a half to be exact. That’s when I first started to feel nauseous all the time. I was feeling nauseated every day almost without fail. At first of course, I wondered if I was pregnant, then my cycle came and I just thought it might be a factor of getting older and my PMS symptoms changing. Then I realized that it just wasn’t going away and that’s when I went to the doctor. He couldn’t figure out any causes so he prescribed acid reflux medicine and told me to basically wait it out. I had one bad night of vomiting but I just chalked it up to too much pizza and wine.
At the emergency room is where I found out that I have gallstones. Insert a sad face and a surprised face. Are you thinking what I’m thinking - that is, if you even know what gallstones are?
That’s right, how do *I* have gallstones?
I’m not overweight. I eat healthier than most. I’m active. I’m constantly working on my emotional blocks (because all physical ailments are rooted in emotional space).
It just honestly doesn’t make much sense.
Yet we know that there are tons of things in our lives that make little sense. The joy of life comes in accepting what is with gratitude and moving forward expecting that things are already getting better.
So after an initial few shaky days after my diagnosis feeling afraid to eat and like it was unfair that the universe would give me this to deal with too, I’ve been able to get my bearings and my perspective back. I’ve been able to easily choose to see the gift in this diagnosis instead of the burden.
Remember a few weeks ago when I said I was committing to getting my health back on track the way I feel best? Well now I have major motivation! The age old saying is that pain is the most effective motivator. The pain of a gallstone attack is something that I pray to the Universe that I never experience ever again.
It’s been SUPER easy to say no to cookies, fast food, ice cream, treats, processed foods, etc. All of the things that everyone should be eating in moderation at the most, I can’t eat at all now (save for maybe once a year and that’s only if i take the right precautions before and after).
I admit that It’s been a challenge figuring out what I can eat and I’ve had some real shaky moments at checkout counters where I was close to tears trying to order what I thought would be ok.
But I feel like I’m getting my balance back. I can say that this week, I’ve mostly felt pretty good. The all-the-time nausea has mostly subsided and although some foods bring on that uncomfortable feeling, I’ve been able to manage it and make note. The best thing is that I have NOT had another attack. And another little happy - I’ve lost about 7 pds already. Who knew that my occasional cookie or Chick-Fila meal was having such an effect!
So I am determined to manage this with being even more mindful about my diet and keeping up with my commitment to exercise. I do have an appointment with a surgeon that removes gallbladders on Tuesday because conventional medicine says once you have gallstone problems, you always will and you must get it out. I’m going to do my best to hold on to mine though unless the doctor tells me it truly is damaged. I feel encouraged however by how much better I’ve been feeling already.
I’m willing to continue walking my path with this new addition without letting it change my stride :-). And at the least, it will definitely give me more interesting things to share with you down the road.
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So today I had a health assessment and let's just say that it was a little bit overwhelming. Finding out truths about yourself that you were secretly afraid were true but were trying not to admit is a little unbecoming to say the least.
What’s helping me today is realizing that I’m allowing this thing to mean something that ultimately boils down to invalidating me. I’m allowing this occurrence to make me question my value and place the decision maker outside of myself. And although that’s so easy to do, it’s never the right thing to do.
You really have to get to a point in your life where your sense of value is maybe shakable but never breakable.