A few nights ago, I was in agony. I needed to revise my bio and get it out to the organizer of an event I'm going to be speaking at. But I just couldn't get the feels going to talk about myself in any way that seemed genuine and not rose-colored glass focused. It just all seemed too much.
Have you ever felt like that? Like all the hype about yourself can't possibly be true and that eventually someone's going to figure it out and go "oh, she's not all that".
Or this one gets me often - the "so what". So what that you've done this and that. So what that you care about this and that. What difference does it make. Who cares.
Yeah, so I was in a tizzy of a place to say the least :-).
But today I woke up and though the going was slow, I carefully chose my thoughts. I had a moment in bed where I had the choice of thinking something good or thinking something depressing for instance. And I *chose* the good thought.
I had countless moments throughout the beginning of the day where I could have folded into a "see this is how it is all the time - woe is me" space or chosen the "okedoke, how do I rock with this and move through it" space. At each turn, I chose the work through it option.
And by the middle of the day, don't you know that I was rocking it out on all levels! I mean I gave my dogs a bath, I cleaned my refrigerator, I mopped two rooms, packaged some makeup, had two fun phone calls (one with a totally new guy and the other with my mentor soon to be new coach!), AND confirmed a speaking engagement for this weekend. And I even made myself dinner.
5 days after surgery..."Dusts her shoulders off ;-)".
So I'm saying this all not to brag, lol but to let you know that sometimes it takes conscious effort but the conscious effort is *always* rewarding. Every single time :-D.
Where are you going to put your effort today?
So today I had a health assessment and let's just say that it was a little bit overwhelming. Finding out truths about yourself that you were secretly afraid were true but were trying not to admit is a little unbecoming to say the least.
What’s helping me today is realizing that I’m allowing this thing to mean something that ultimately boils down to invalidating me. I’m allowing this occurrence to make me question my value and place the decision maker outside of myself. And although that’s so easy to do, it’s never the right thing to do.
You really have to get to a point in your life where your sense of value is maybe shakable but never breakable.