So I’ve been wondering what to write to you about. There’s been a lot going on but most of it’s been internal – me in planning and allowing mode. I’ve purposely taken a step back from everything at the end of this year. Part of it has been practical. I took on a temp job to help me through transitioning out of dance work into more coaching and mentoring work. But the practical has made an easy excuse for the real reason – the need to get out of doing energy and get more into feeling energy. Another way to say it is setting the masculine energy on the shelf for a bit and getting cozy with my feminine energy.
I came upon this necessity after a few different talks with various mentors and guides. It became clear that I was too focused on productivity and listening to my urges to get things done . I wasn’t however listening to my intuition that was telling me to rest and relax. And so with the start of this temp job, I began the process of slowing down and just “being”.
It’s remarkable how something so simple can result in such profound shifts. First off, I feel so much more in tune. My worry nerve is almost none existent. I have a sense of peace and knowing and calm coupled with giddy expectancy when thinking of the future. The things that would normally bother me are rolling off of me without much effort. I’m enjoying myself. I’m feeling rested. I’m smiling more and more. I’m finding myself with *more* time even though technically I have *less* time.
The blessings abound and with that the *right* and most exciting ideas and certainties are surfacing.
I have some dear to me goals for the new year for instance. I’m going to begin work on my tarot/oracle deck for depression and anxiety overcomers. I will start a new web-show project with my dear friend Shamelle Reveter of Destiny’s Talent (We refer to it as our own Super Soul Sunday :-D). And I will be taking on my first one on one clients into my signature program created with the goal of teaching you how to access your divine feminine confidence from within yourself and live out of it every day. I actually have some exciting news coming up about a way to experience a taste of this that I’ll be sharing in the Facebook Group Inner Goddess, Outer Glow. Join us over there so that you don’t miss out on hearing about it!
I’ve been doing a lot of sharing there – just recently I chatted about the Full Moon and how to use that energy to our advantage. It’s still relevant so, especially if you have been feeling out of sorts and overstressed, be sure to check it out.
So dear, I am delighted that we are almost done with 2016 and headed into 2017. 2017 is going to be amazing. Let’s claim it together <3!
Be on the lookout at the beginning of the year – we are going to start off the same way we did last year – choosing our word for the year and setting our intentions for what we want to bring into existence. Until next time, have beautiful days and a Merry Christmas (if you celebrate)!
Much love and bright blessings!
Tomorrow is a full moon - full moon in Gemini and apparently this last full moon (a supermoon) of the year is just as intense, if not more so, than the other super full moons this year. When I read about it here, omg, it made so much sense. It was actually comforting!
This year has been so much of a transition for me. So much shedding and letting go. So much sadness and disappointment and creating of space for new and different and hopefully better things to replace the things that fell away. Not easy is an understatement. Trial by fire is a nice way to put it.
Courage was my word for 2016 and like I've said a few times this year, oh my how the Universe has delivered on ways for me to display courage!
And so to hear that the final purge is upon us and that the time of purification and stripping bear is almost at an end - it's released such an exhale of relief in me that I can barely describe it!
The whole point is to usher in the energy of newness and activated purpose of 2017. Where as this year has been about shedding, next year is going to be about growing new vibrant, glowing and radiant skin. Next year is going to be about being able to step naked and shining into your purpose as though you've been newly baptized and recommissioned onto a new path.
I can barely express my excitement and gratitude for that lol! Seriously though, I'm sure that you can resonate with what I'm saying. I'm sure I'm not the only one of us who has let go of much this year and held onto hope that the goals and dreams we've clung to and allowed to percolate and evolve over this year would begin to solidly manifest at some point soon.
For instance, in my case, I've been working on how to bring together what I can offer you. I created small programs and then came to the realization that these would only get you surface results. I got clearer on what transformation from working with me looks like and exactly how I've chosen thriving in life and how I can help you make the same choice for happiness and vibrant living (thriving!). I admitted that it's a system and not a quick fix, one you need to commit to, one that you need to allow time for. And I realized that only in-depth work would take you from where you are to where you want to go.
And that has been a process believe me. A process of understanding and reassessing and adjusting and more understanding. And in the meantime, life was going on with it's regular bumps and fun not fun trials too.
But here I am - here we are - at the end of the cycle, ready to give that last heave-ho and concerted effort to release anything else that's lingering around holding us back. It's time because who wants to take that unnecessary baggage into 2017? I know I don't!
Tomorrow I'm going to be livestreaming from my Facebook Page about the full moon and giving some more of my insights and suggestions on how you can use that energy in your own life as well. I'm not quite sure what time of day it will be but I'm shooting for early morning :-).
The beautiful thing about FB Live videos is that you can catch it later if you miss it live. So be sure to stop over there at some point tomorrow and check it out.
So my love, here's to heralding in new amazing energy and releasing every bit of the stagnation that is still holding us back. Woohoo!!!
Lots of love <3!
Hey love <3,
I know that we've had a TOUGH few days. I wanted to send this to you yesterday but I know today it will still help - if you are in need of help to feel better about the state of things.
I think what's most important is that you and me - we - remember all of the examples in our own lives where choosing the higher path of love changed things in an instant. I'm talking about moments where you smiled at someone, you held the door open, you conceded that you were wrong and apologized..even when you gave someone a hug that needed it. These are the acts, thoughts, and deeds that will change us and those around us into the people we wish they were and we wish we were. That little bit of extra effort is going to be so worth it.
I talked about this in a FB Live Chat yesterday morning as it all was sinking in. You can watch it here. Now is the time to challenge yourself to be encouraged. So much is riding on it in these days <3.
Always love!
P.S.If you are feeling dazed and need help moving forward, I am here for you! You can reach out via my Tarot page (just click on the image below) or by hopping on my schedule at calendly.com/leahpatterson
A few weeks ago, I gave a talk in my Facebook Group Inner Goddess, Outer Glow on getting your 'mojo' back. For me, mojo is your vitality, spice for life, essence of thriving! As we all know, life can take it's toll on us if we aren't mindful and all of a sudden, we can find ourselves without our usual zest and pep in our step.
It's easy to approach this with in the moment fixes, however, long term attention is often the best way to bring about lasting change and get our mojo back revved up enough to sustain us. That's why I focus on herbal allies in this video :).
Check it out and be sure to download your special worksheet afterwards! You can access the video below, you just need to join the Facebook Group if you aren't already a member.
Watch video: https://www.facebook.com/1renaissancewoman/videos/10209017573530898/
Download your worksheet here!: http://bit.ly/herbalallies
When you’ve dealt with debilitating depression and finally feel out of the worst of it, it’s surprising how easy it is to forget what it felt like in the middle of it. It’s very easy to forget the details of your story and even to downplay them. Slowly, your narrative turns to just remembering it as a bad time. You begin to forget that it wasn’t just a bad time, that it was in fact a strongly debilitating, stagnant time that almost destroyed your life. That’s what depression does. It takes over and throws your life dangerously out of whack.
But when you are feeling better, it’s easy to forget this.
And that’s what I want to speak with you about today. I don’t want you to forget. I want you to remember. I want you to remember down to the minute details of how your depression affected your life. It’s so very vital to your continued recovery and your ability to be happy with your life.
Without this remembering, you will be tempted to start seeing yourself on the same playing field as everyone else, holding yourself to the same standards. You’ll begin believing that the amount of effort required to reach their results should have been the same for you. And you might even begin to buy into that story that if you’d only tried harder, you would have overcome your issues and maybe you’d even be further along in life.
Especially when you have big goals and aspirations, which many people who suffer from depression do, beating yourself up for how your life has progressed is really easy to do.
But it’s not fair at all.
What I want you to remember is that you were doing the best that you could. Your stops and starts, ups and downs and seemingly insurmountable odds had so much more to do with how your mind was processing life at that time rather than any lack of effort or laziness on your part.
“Especially when you have big goals and aspirations, which many people who suffer from depression do, beating yourself up for how your life has progressed is really easy to do. But it’s not fair at all.”
And yes, you may have heard things like:
“Apply yourself more.”
“Just stick with it.”
“Keep trying and don’t give up so easily.”
“You have to at least try.”
Even things like:
“It’ll work out eventually.”
“You just have to stay positive.”
“Everybody has bad days.”
And upon looking back, you may be tempted to believe that all of those things were true and that if you’d just ‘something’, you’d be further along now. You’d have been able to accomplish your big goals back then despite your depression and anxiety.
But know this.
It’s simply not true. Your depression was real. It is real. It did have an effect. It did exist. And it did hold you down and back. It did sit on your life and suffocate your joy and hope and happiness. It did that. You didn’t do that. Your depression did that. YOU on the other hand are courageous. YOU continued to have hope, no matter how small, even as it was being strangled almost to death. YOU allowed yourself to be helped and pulled out of the spiral of depression. YOU made that decision, however small and timid it began. YOU did THAT. YOU should be commended and celebrated and awarded for reaching THAT goal.
For that is not an easy goal to attain. That’s one that even the most determined, goal-oriented person you can think of would have challenges attaining in your shoes. The obstacles you’ve had to overcome have been many. They’ve been obscure and they’ve been difficult to pinpoint. They’ve been elusive and they’ve been unclear. And yet you have still triumphed. You are still here on the other side of them, living so much more closely to, if not already in, a life that feels good more than it feels bad.
“YOU allowed yourself to be helped and pulled out of the spiral of depression. YOU made that decision, however small and timid it began. YOU did THAT.”
This is why I want you to always remember your story. Remember that your depression wasn’t just a small thing that you let take you down. It was a huge monster that dragged you down. And you triumphed still. Be encouraged. Be proud. Be bold and boastful about where you are in your life. You deserve that. You are a champion!
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Hey goddess! So I'm a-buzzing😊. I just finished teaching another Salsa as Sacred Dance online class! I had to pop over and share with you all how transformative teaching it has been. This is the second time I've taught it and I'm realizing more and more how teaching my experience of salsa in this way is unique and yet relatable.
It's not at all that it's a concept or feeling that people aren't aware of, but it is definitely something that people have not put emphasis on. And I think there is such transformation that can come from actively acknowledging this aspect of it!
I'm staying open and receiving to divine guidance about how exactly to offer this class. Stay tuned 💖! (Silly pictures while getting ready below :-P).
I’ve been hemming and hawing around this post for a few days. I’d like to think it’s because the ideas have just been materializing and maybe there is some truth to that. Closer to the truth though is that what I’m going to write about is heavy and so I’ve been avoiding it.
You may have noticed that I uploaded two new posts to the blog. These were articles that I wrote and published on Huffington Post and then realized needed to be here as well. They are about suicide, depression, and anxiety. Yep, those are things I know a lot about.
I attempted suicide in 2008 and I’ve dealt with depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember. I *successfully* manage them both now and suicide is an option I’ve decided not to choose. And in the tumultuous changes I’ve undergone in 2016, I’ve found myself called to share my experiences and be an example of how you can overcome them.
It started with an intense urge to do 3 specific Facebook Live videos during Suicide Prevention Month in September. 1 about How to Bounce Back from a Suicide Attempt, 2 about Why Remembering Your Story is Important and 3 about What to do about your Moody Friend.
I finally did them and with that, I realized how much my message was needed. Many people reached out to me after each video and expressed how much it helped or meant to them.
I kept getting confirmation on all levels that the things that I had learned over the years to start shifting the scale to more good days than bad days were extremely important to share.
I was reminded that the encouragement to stay above ground and to keep pushing forward to feeling better was something that I needed and didn’t always get. And I also remembered how much it meant when I did get it.
So I felt compelled to show up for the work that the Universe was calling me to do. How could I not? How could I deny that I could clearly see how all my experiences were preparing me for this? I could not with honestly sit back and say no Universe, you've got the wrong girl.
But then my own life hit hard. And I experienced a slew of stressful moments, rockiness and test upon tests. If my year has been about decluttering everything that isn’t moving me forward, this particular bent felt like what activated charcoal does to you – violently rids you of *ANYTHING* that’s still hiding out.
So yeah, I began to doubt that my voice was necessary and that this was the path laying out in front of me.
Then in the span of two weeks, I found out a salsa friend had committed suicide. I was drawn inexplicably to a woman online and found out that her husband killed himself back in August, though he was adored and loved by seemingly everyone. This morning I read about a young 12-year-old boy who self-harms and has threatened suicide many times.
I know that the Universe was speaking to me – telling me Leah – people still need a voice. They need a voice to speak for them and to them. You have to be a part of that.
So I know now that without a doubt being an advocate for suicide survivors like me and those suffering from anxiety and depression is a part of this next phase of my life. If my message can give someone who is where I was CONCRETE HOPE, the strength of belief, or even the flicker of possibility, I will share it over and over again. I will make it a big part of what I do and infuse that message into all the rest of the things I do as well.
I’m ready to be a Voice of Hope for anyone who needs to hear it.
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Originally published on Huffington Post, I decided that this needed to be here as well :).
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I am a suicide survivor. Not in the sense that is often used today – someone who’s left behind when a person commits suicide. I am in fact a suicide attempt survivor. I opted to take my life on a lonely night out of the country at a friend’s house when life had gotten particularly low. It is only because some small sliver of hope still had a voice in me that I am alive today. That voice convinced me to call my counselor and after a lot of talking, my counselor convinced me to call 911.
There was a moment when she didn’t think that I would call. And she was prepared to be with me while I died over that phone line. I think that her willingness to be with me in what could have been my final moment is what tipped my scales and got me to call.
What resulted was a horrible experience of ambulances, hospitals, embarrassment, and mostly shame.
Bouncing back wasn’t easy. And that is what this article is about.
With this being Suicide Prevention Month, my thoughts went back to that time 8 years ago. Things had gotten so bad in my mind that suicide seemed to be my best choice. At that time, I didn’t think I mattered and my self-loathing was overwhelming. After my suicide attempt, every single moment was a struggle. I had no idea how I was going to make it now that I had decided to live.
I am such a different person now. The new people in my life wouldn’t believe that I’d ever been severely depressed, let alone suicidal. They’d hardly believe that I even still deal with depression and anxiety and that I’ve just learned effective coping strategies and radical self-care practices that have led me out of the bad zones. They see me as a bright, bubbly, always positive ray of sunshine.
“After my suicide attempt, every single moment was a struggle. I had no idea how I was going to make it now that I had decided to live.”
So how did I get here? How did I get from where I was 8 years ago, trying to bounce back from a suicide attempt on my own to bright and silver lining focused?
It was a long process but these are three of the first steps I took.
1. Distraction
When I attempted suicide, I was in a foreign country and without close friends or family. After my hospital experience, I had to ride a bus 16 plus hours back home to a city where I didn’t have anyone but my counselor to help me rebuild. Suffice it to say that I was clearly still in danger mentally. One of the first things that helped me stay alive was distraction. Heavy thoughts were no good at all. So to keep my mind occupied, I distracted myself with any and everything. That meant becoming hyper focused on whatever was in front of me. I let myself get distracted by the people around me, by the pattern on the seats, by choosing what snack to grab from the vending machine etc. Anything that would occupy my mind sufficed. I just had to keep my mind busy and the busier I could keep my mind, the more time would pass and then all of a sudden, I would have gotten through a day. And another day. And another day. For a long time, that’s exactly how I made it.
2. Mini-victories
When I think about the way that I thought before, it amazes me that I survived. I even had the belief once that not being able to successfully kill myself was yet another example of my inadequacy. Inadequacy was a major theme and being a failure ran through the core of that. So when I was rebuilding myself, I had to make my focus small. I told myself that just for right now, any little thing I do is a reason to celebrate. If I got out of bed that day, I celebrated. If I made tea that day, I celebrated. Actually making dinner – that was cause for bells and whistles.
It didn’t matter that I didn’t have anyone to celebrate with me. I wrote my little wins down in my journal and reminded myself that I was doing so well. I reminded myself that I was just a short time away from deciding that I didn’t want to be around anymore, so just the fact that I’d decided to stay was major. I reminded myself that I had at least earned the right to just focus on the small things. I comforted myself and patted my own self on the back. And I told myself that just for right now, that would be ok.
3. An Important Promise
This is probably the most important thing that I did. I was lucky that there was someone around me that made me make this promise because it’s not something I thought of on my own. I think of this woman as my angel. She looked me in the eyes and she made me promise to her that no matter what, I would never attempt suicide again. And as hard as it was at the time, I promised her. To this day, that promise has been a savior in my life. There have been times that this promise has been the hook that has pulled me out of a depressive spiral. Many times it has been the catalyst that has spurred me on to get help when I’ve needed it.
Why does a promise have so much power? It’s not the promise part, because you can make promises to yourself that you justify breaking. It’s much more about who you make that promise to and what disappointing that person would mean for you. In my case, disappointing this beautiful woman that treated me so lovingly at a time when I really needed it was and is unbearable to think of. That is the key. Make your promise to someone that it would be unbearable to disappoint and it will keep you true to it. Find that person in your life – maybe she’s the recovery nurse or your best friend or your daughter or son or your great aunt or even someone who popped into your life for just a brief moment. What matters is that their opinion of and faith in you matters more to you than giving in to your sadness and angst.
“That is the key. Make your promise to someone that it would be unbearable to disappoint and it will keep you true to it.”
This is heavy stuff and the journey from attempting suicide to knowing without a doubt that you are loved and wanted and valuable can be a long one. But it starts with tiny steps. Putting one figurative foot in front of the other is the path forward. These are the tiny steps that set me on my path and my hope is that they can help you step forward on yours. I invite you to join me over in my Facebook Group Inner Goddess/Outer Glow where I share more about the tips and technique that I use everyday to keeping taking those positive steps forward. In the resource files there, you’ll find articles and worksheets that will help you along your way!