So today I had a health assessment and let's just say that it was a little bit overwhelming. Finding out truths about yourself that you were secretly afraid were true but were trying not to admit is a little unbecoming to say the least.
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What’s helping me today is realizing that I’m allowing this thing to mean something that ultimately boils down to invalidating me. I’m allowing this occurrence to make me question my value and place the decision maker outside of myself. And although that’s so easy to do, it’s never the right thing to do.
You really have to get to a point in your life where your sense of value is maybe shakable but never breakable.
Have you ever had a day where the most you wanted to do was stare into space? Maybe a few other things but mostly just that. Just retreat and relax. I’m here to tell you to take it. Go ahead and take that time. Go ahead and honor yourself and your innate intuition. It’s there for a reason ;-).
I’m in a space like that right now. All I’ve wanted to do for the majority of the day is nada. I’ve wanted to ebb and flow with whatever suited my fancy. Nap if need be. Read if so inspired. Write if I feel like it. Or just do nothing at all. Not even on purpose thinking.
I’ve been semi successful :). What it’s showing me though is how much I need to honor my own mind and tune into my own requirements.
And not feel bad about that. There is the key – not feel bad about it.
It’s so easy to feel bad about what you need and in turn not get/give yourself what you need. And where does that get you? Pooped, on edge, ready to scream at your cell phone for not cutting on when I PUSH THE POWER BUTTON! Oh, oh my bad :D. See that was me today when I went out to do my only to-do on my list for today. Even that small commitment outside of myself set me on edge and made me have to count to 10 to not bash my lovely phone into the steering wheel :).
Now I don’t tell you this for you to start worrying about my sanity or potential violent streaks, lol. No, I’m sharing this to show you how important today was for me and how even though I did ease off of my to-do list on purpose for the day, when I pushed myself instead of giving in to the entire day, I quickly realized I wasn’t all the way renewed – even though I felt like “ok Leah, you’ve had enough time.” The reality is that I didn’t. And that I needed more time. And that that was ok.
So if you find yourself having a day like I did today…make yourself the most important thing. And don’t feel bad about that. A coach/friend of mine gave me a mantra a few days ago “I serve. I deserve.” I KNOW you all serve. No doubt about it. Remind yourself that you deserve too ;-).
P.S. Here's a little on purpose self-care you can indulge in today. Passion flower tea is a 'wonderherb' for stress and anxiety. It's known to calm the nerves and even help you sleep better. The beautiful thing is that you can now easily find it at your grocery store in a number of calming tea blends by well known brands. I will almost always encourage you to use Traditional Medicinals brand if you are not buying loose herbs and this case is no different. Traiditional Medicinals has a blend called Cup of Calm that features a good helping of Passion Flower. Treat yourself to a cup or two :-).