Fear Vs. Opportunity

Hey love <3, 

I know that we've had a TOUGH few days. I wanted to send this to you yesterday but I know today it will still help - if you are in need of help to feel better about the state of things. 

I think what's most important is that you and me - we - remember all of the examples in our own lives where choosing the higher path of love changed things in an instant. I'm talking about moments where you smiled at someone, you held the door open, you conceded that you were wrong and apologized..even when you gave someone a hug that needed it. These are the acts, thoughts, and deeds that will change us and those around us into the people we wish they were and we wish we were. That little bit of extra effort is going to be so worth it. 

I talked about this in a FB Live Chat yesterday morning as it all was sinking in. You can watch it here. Now is the time to challenge yourself to be encouraged. So much is riding on it in these days <3.

Always love!


P.S.If you are feeling dazed and need help moving forward, I am here for you! You can reach out via my Tarot page (just click on the image below) or by hopping on my schedule at calendly.com/leahpatterson  

Being A Voice of Hope

I’ve been hemming and hawing around this post for a few days. I’d like to think it’s because the ideas have just been materializing and maybe there is some truth to that. Closer to the truth though is that what I’m going to write about is heavy and so I’ve been avoiding it.

You may have noticed that I uploaded two new posts to the blog. These were articles that I wrote and published on Huffington Post and then realized needed to be here as well. They are about suicide, depression, and anxiety. Yep, those are things I know a lot about.

I attempted suicide in 2008 and I’ve dealt with depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember. I *successfully* manage them both now and suicide is an option I’ve decided not to choose. And in the tumultuous changes I’ve undergone in 2016, I’ve found myself called to share my experiences and be an example of how you can overcome them.

It started with an intense urge to do 3 specific Facebook Live videos during Suicide Prevention Month in September. 1 about How to Bounce Back from a Suicide Attempt, 2 about Why Remembering Your Story is Important and 3 about What to do about your Moody Friend.

I finally did them and with that, I realized how much my message was needed. Many people reached out to me after each video and expressed how much it helped or meant to them.

I kept getting confirmation on all levels that the things that I had learned over the years to start shifting the scale to more good days than bad days were extremely important to share.

I was reminded that the encouragement to stay above ground and to keep pushing forward to feeling better was something that I needed and didn’t always get. And I also remembered how much it meant when I did get it.

So I felt compelled to show up for the work that the Universe was calling me to do. How could I not? How could I deny that I could clearly see how all my experiences were preparing me for this? I could not with honestly sit back and say no Universe, you've got the wrong girl.

But then my own life hit hard. And I experienced a slew of stressful moments, rockiness and test upon tests. If my year has been about decluttering everything that isn’t moving me forward, this particular bent felt like what activated charcoal does to you – violently rids you of *ANYTHING* that’s still hiding out.

So yeah, I began to doubt that my voice was necessary and that this was the path laying out in front of me.

Then in the span of two weeks, I found out a salsa friend had committed suicide. I was drawn inexplicably to a woman online and found out that her husband killed himself back in August, though he was adored and loved by seemingly everyone. This morning I read about a young 12-year-old boy who self-harms and has threatened suicide many times.

I know that the Universe was speaking to me – telling me Leah – people still need a voice. They need a voice to speak for them and to them. You have to be a part of that.

So I know now that without a doubt being an advocate for suicide survivors like me and those suffering from anxiety and depression is a part of this next phase of my life. If my message can give someone who is where I was CONCRETE HOPE, the strength of belief, or even the flicker of possibility, I will share it over and over again. I will make it a big part of what I do and infuse that message into all the rest of the things I do as well.

I’m ready to be a Voice of Hope for anyone who needs to hear it. 

3 Ways to Bounce Back from a Suicide Attempt

Originally published on Huffington Post, I decided that this needed to be here as well :). 
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I am a suicide survivor. Not in the sense that is often used today – someone who’s left behind when a person commits suicide. I am in fact a suicide attempt survivor. I opted to take my life on a lonely night out of the country at a friend’s house when life had gotten particularly low. It is only because some small sliver of hope still had a voice in me that I am alive today. That voice convinced me to call my counselor and after a lot of talking, my counselor convinced me to call 911.

There was a moment when she didn’t think that I would call. And she was prepared to be with me while I died over that phone line. I think that her willingness to be with me in what could have been my final moment is what tipped my scales and got me to call.

What resulted was a horrible experience of ambulances, hospitals, embarrassment, and mostly shame.

Bouncing back wasn’t easy. And that is what this article is about.

With this being Suicide Prevention Month, my thoughts went back to that time 8 years ago. Things had gotten so bad in my mind that suicide seemed to be my best choice. At that time, I didn’t think I mattered and my self-loathing was overwhelming. After my suicide attempt, every single moment was a struggle. I had no idea how I was going to make it now that I had decided to live.

I am such a different person now. The new people in my life wouldn’t believe that I’d ever been severely depressed, let alone suicidal. They’d hardly believe that I even still deal with depression and anxiety and that I’ve just learned effective coping strategies and radical self-care practices that have led me out of the bad zones. They see me as a bright, bubbly, always positive ray of sunshine.

“After my suicide attempt, every single moment was a struggle. I had no idea how I was going to make it now that I had decided to live.”

So how did I get here? How did I get from where I was 8 years ago, trying to bounce back from a suicide attempt on my own to bright and silver lining focused?

It was a long process but these are three of the first steps I took.

1. Distraction

When I attempted suicide, I was in a foreign country and without close friends or family. After my hospital experience, I had to ride a bus 16 plus hours back home to a city where I didn’t have anyone but my counselor to help me rebuild. Suffice it to say that I was clearly still in danger mentally. One of the first things that helped me stay alive was distraction. Heavy thoughts were no good at all. So to keep my mind occupied, I distracted myself with any and everything. That meant becoming hyper focused on whatever was in front of me. I let myself get distracted by the people around me, by the pattern on the seats, by choosing what snack to grab from the vending machine etc. Anything that would occupy my mind sufficed. I just had to keep my mind busy and the busier I could keep my mind, the more time would pass and then all of a sudden, I would have gotten through a day. And another day. And another day. For a long time, that’s exactly how I made it.

2. Mini-victories

When I think about the way that I thought before, it amazes me that I survived. I even had the belief once that not being able to successfully kill myself was yet another example of my inadequacy. Inadequacy was a major theme and being a failure ran through the core of that. So when I was rebuilding myself, I had to make my focus small. I told myself that just for right now, any little thing I do is a reason to celebrate. If I got out of bed that day, I celebrated. If I made tea that day, I celebrated. Actually making dinner – that was cause for bells and whistles.

It didn’t matter that I didn’t have anyone to celebrate with me. I wrote my little wins down in my journal and reminded myself that I was doing so well. I reminded myself that I was just a short time away from deciding that I didn’t want to be around anymore, so just the fact that I’d decided to stay was major. I reminded myself that I had at least earned the right to just focus on the small things. I comforted myself and patted my own self on the back. And I told myself that just for right now, that would be ok.

3. An Important Promise

This is probably the most important thing that I did. I was lucky that there was someone around me that made me make this promise because it’s not something I thought of on my own. I think of this woman as my angel. She looked me in the eyes and she made me promise to her that no matter what, I would never attempt suicide again. And as hard as it was at the time, I promised her. To this day, that promise has been a savior in my life. There have been times that this promise has been the hook that has pulled me out of a depressive spiral. Many times it has been the catalyst that has spurred me on to get help when I’ve needed it.

Why does a promise have so much power? It’s not the promise part, because you can make promises to yourself that you justify breaking. It’s much more about who you make that promise to and what disappointing that person would mean for you. In my case, disappointing this beautiful woman that treated me so lovingly at a time when I really needed it was and is unbearable to think of. That is the key. Make your promise to someone that it would be unbearable to disappoint and it will keep you true to it. Find that person in your life – maybe she’s the recovery nurse or your best friend or your daughter or son or your great aunt or even someone who popped into your life for just a brief moment. What matters is that their opinion of and faith in you matters more to you than giving in to your sadness and angst.

“That is the key. Make your promise to someone that it would be unbearable to disappoint and it will keep you true to it.”

This is heavy stuff and the journey from attempting suicide to knowing without a doubt that you are loved and wanted and valuable can be a long one. But it starts with tiny steps. Putting one figurative foot in front of the other is the path forward. These are the tiny steps that set me on my path and my hope is that they can help you step forward on yours. I invite you to join me over in my Facebook Group Inner Goddess/Outer Glow where I share more about the tips and technique that I use everyday to keeping taking those positive steps forward. In the resource files there, you’ll find articles and worksheets that will help you along your way!

Returning to Blogging

It's been a long time since I've written huh? It's not that I haven't been writing - it's just that I've been writing elsewhere. I started writing for the Huffington Post and next month I will start writing for Thrive Global, Ariana Huffington's latest project. I've also been writing for Best Kept Self and mostly I've been writing for myself to myself in my lovely little journals in an attempt to figure as much of everything out as possible. 

I suppose this is my coming to Jesus moment so to speak :-). I'll admit, I've been so busy and concerned about running a business the 'right' way, that I've actually not been working in my business but instead working on my business. That's fun and all but you can quickly and easily approach burnout. You feel like you are the only one doing everything (you mostly are) and there's never enough time for anything. 

It's stressful and it's not soul soothing. 

It takes you out of alignment and you forget why you are doing what you do in the first place. 

And then you start to doubt. And then that's when my particular downward spiral starts. 

So today, I'm returning back to my basics - back to the reasons I started this blog and even the reasons that I began teaching all those years ago anyway. I wanted people to feel empowered. I wanted people to know exactly how they could heal themselves. On all levels. I wanted people to know that it's possible to live life happy and on purpose. 

That is what is in alignment with my soul and my spirit. I'm not sure how that's going to turn into the type of income that frees me from worrying about ends meeting each month and through the month. I just know that right now, I need more than ever to be the truest to myself. 

And the interesting thing is that it is truly a nuanced thing. Because I am always endeavoring to operate out of my truth. But I am also wired to think about what would be the most pleasing to someone else. What I'm realizing though in the forefront of my mind (instead of in my afterthoughts and subconscious) is that it has to be pleasing to me first. When I do pleasing to me, I attract those that it's also pleasing to. 

Someone reminded me today that we are in a new paradigm. The old way of doing things, of bulldozing through, of making it happen on intent and will alone, on pushing harder, faster, and stronger - that this way is old, outdated, and doesn't even work anymore.

The new way is to be led by intuition, to continuously be tapping in and listening for and to divine inspiration. This is a way that comes naturally to me. I've always been led by my intuition, even to what seemed like at the time, a fault. It's affirming to know that the paradigm is shifting in my favor :). 

So what to expect? I'm not super sure. I'm going to let myself feel it out. I know that I'm going to dive into teaching more. I love to teach. I feel called to teach. I feel called to empower you through my hands on, tangible, teaching work. I feel called to motivate you to love yourself enough to show it in the physical realm and not just the mental. 

And I'm going to create more and just put it out there. And I'm not going to worry about the end result. I'm going to focus on the inspired action and let that be my guide. The right people will find me and what you need from me, you'll receive :). 

I'm believing it babe :). 

Stay tuned as I show you the truth of it :). 

Essential Oils Repel Mosquitoes

Hey hey and happy Friday! Today's post involves one of my favorite items, essential oils :). You probably already know how much I appreciate essential oils and all they can do for us on multiple levels. 

Well a few days ago on my Facebook Page, I did a video talking about Lavender essential oil and how it can repel mosquitoes and the video below is all about Lemongrass. I also give you a simple recipe for making your own bug repellent spray. It really is quite easy! Check it out and let me know if you have any questions! Also remember that the 7 Days to Clear Skin Challenge starts this Monday! If you haven't signed up, you can now at bit.ly/7clearskin I'm so looking forward to taking you on this skincare journey and so I hope you join us!

 

 

Essential Oils that Repel Mosquitoes

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In addition to educating you via my blog, I also work with clients one – on – one to achieve not only their skincare goals but to set them on the path to achieving their life goals as well through finding balance and vibrant living in mind, body, and spirit!

If you are looking for this kind of help, I’d love to jump on a call with you and talk about it!

Reach out to me here and we can set something up! <3!

Sacrifices and Conversations

Well I've had an adventuresome past few days :). My biggest good news is that my makeup line MOVE Makeup is going to be available on Walmart.com! You may have seen my announcement on my Facebook Page and I've shared it all over my various MOVE Makeup social media worlds so I won't go into all of the details here to spare you :). What I do want to talk about today is making sacrifices for the things that are important to you and how I prepared for mine. I will explain. 

I'm about 3 weeks post surgery. The big meeting with Walmart was in Bentonville, AR which is about 3 hours from where I live. I needed to get there the day before the meeting and attend the Open Summit/Buyer Meeting event the next day from 8am until at least 2pm with my buyer meeting at 12:10. The day involved a lot of walking and keeping it together so suffice it to say, I was good and exhausted that evening and next day! But I also wanted to spend time with my family - so I mustered up the energy to do touristy fun things with them while we were in Bentonville too.

So when I got home on Thursday, the crash began and by Friday, I was sick in bed and am pretty much just now coming out of the haze - sort of, lol :).

Some might think that I did too much - that I took too big of a risk.

But for me, there really was no choice. I knew that this buyer meeting with Walmart might be the very key to making the kind of impact that I want to make in the world and I knew that I wanted to be/needed to be at that meeting. I knew that, whatever it took, I had to make that happen. 

But of course, in saying this I wasn't saying to the Universe "I don't mind compromising my health and ability to recover - this potential deal is more important than me". Not at all and so that meant I needed to start talking with the Universe and asking for what I wanted. 

The moment I knew that my surgery and the meeting would overlap so closely, I began visualizing myself healing quickly and completely and feeling energized and refreshed and well by week 2. I only allowed the thought that I would be ready and feeling great to enter my mind when I thought about traveling to Bentonville. I only thought about doing a fantastic presentation and feeling at ease, competent and worry free.

I never let myself think that I might not be up to it. And so the Universe conspired to make that happen.

I truly did feel wonderful the days before the trip. The Universe even kicked in unexpected help and support on the day of the meeting so that I would not be alone. I had a ride to every place I needed to be. I had beautiful support from all around. I truly didn't have a worry at all. The entire trip was a joy. And the best thing wasn't what you might think. The best thing is that I had nothing but time after the trip. That was my compromise with the Universe - that I would rest and truly recoup after the trip. I would make sure that I allowed myself the time to make up for the strenuousness.

And funny thing, the Universe (since it knows me well) made sure that my workaholic habits would not be able to kick in by sending a cold and cramps, lol. (Here's a little secret - that actually might have been me subconsciously throwing in some assurances - what you think is what shows up right?)

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So the moral to this story? After a major surgery like the one I had, 2 weeks post surgery one should not be going anywhere, let alone 3 hours away to a major conference.

I did because I got the Universe on my side. 

Your takeaway for today is to ask yourself how you can get the Universe on your side. When you know that something is important to you, but there are tons of unknown variables, how can you converse with the Universe to sway the tide in your favor?

Figure out for yourself what conversations you need to have and start having them as soon as possible.

Good food for thought and fuel for your next big thing ;-). 

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Needing some more inspiration? Check out this post and this one!

Mindset Magic!

Recovery is going really well :). I've been doing the requisite resting and relaxing. I've been catching up on my book and movie lists. I've been thinking and feeling and allowing. It's been so nice :).

So about the surgery, there ended up being 19 fibroids to remove. We (me and my doctor) opted for the same surgery, a c-section cut down my stomach between my belly button and nether regions. Thankfully they just reopened the previous cut so that my tummy wouldn't have an anchor etched into it :). 

This time around it was more painful that I remember and for the first time, I really wondered if I could handle another surgery like this - because there will hopefully be at least one more surgery like this in my life when I have my beautiful baby via c-section. (See how I'm putting my hopes into a visualized future :)). It was *that* painful. 

Thankfully, it has subsided substantially and I'm finding myself able to stretch out the time between pain pill doses :). Baby steps. Next week I think I'll even venture a walk through the neighborhood :). 

Thinking about my fibroids and how quickly they are growing gets me thinking about what causes them. On a physical level there are a few theories, but no one really knows the true answer. On an emotional level though, I think the conclusions that some people have come to hold a lot of merit. The most common reason I see stated for fibroids is that they hold stress, pent up emotions, unexpressed creativity, and unbirthed ideas. These non-cancerous tumors form to contain all of these things until you are ready to release or express them. 

When I think about what that could mean for me, it makes so much sense that it's almost comical. Let me explain. Going back to 4 years ago when my fibroids were first diagnosed, I lived in a sea of stress and had been like that for years. I'd been working so hard and so diligently on my goals that I'd become stagnant. The stress of succeeding and of making my current ideas at the time work was sometimes overwhelming - but I carried it. I soldiered on and I continued to 'fight the fight' to get where I wanted to be. And I definitely wouldn't let myself move forward on new ideas - I had to make the old ideas work. 

So it makes sense that my body would ball all of the tension and unexpressed energy in some way to try to protect the rest of me from it. What I mean is that a fibroid can be removed. Cancer for instance is a lot more difficult to remove. 

Fast forward to now and I can see again how I'm upleveling to an even lighter space of being. And it fits my current life goals and the stirrings I've been feeling in my soul. I know that I want a baby in my immediate future. I know that I want to live even more freely and creatively. I know that I want my new ideas and urgings to be expressed and nurtured and nourished.

It makes sense then that these last bits of stagnation, frustration, and old ways have positioned themselves to be removed. Interestingly, most of my fibroids were small. In there smallness though, they were still enough to keep an egg from implanting and cause excruciating pain every month. They were enough to get my attention and make me reach out to my doctor and press to find out what was going on. These little blocks were enough to need to be removed. 

And now they have been. And I don't plan to squander this beautiful gift.

I'm planning to give myself the time of day I need. I'm planning to be inspired and in wonderment everyday. I plan to make time to make myself smile and feel peaceful, at one, and in sync in whatever form and however many ways that takes.

I plan to move intentionally and to always remind myself that this moment is the most important thing. :). 

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I'm planning some great content for you that I'll be sending to my email tribe very soon. I'd love for you to receive it. If you are in need of some balance and some inspiration, join us :). 

June Brings Many Things!

Hello love!

Can you believe June is here! For once I am excited about where we are in the year. I'm feeling pretty joyful and even expectant of awesome things. That's a wonderful space to be in - very freeing and light. 

Now that doesn't mean that things are all peachy - quite the contrary. I've got some big things and big decisions and possibly major changes coming up in my near future. But instead of being afraid and stagnant, I am curious and open. I remember reading about approaching problems in this blissful way. I wondered if I'd be able to do it - if I'd be able to let the problems flow and to flow with them to their resolutions without pulling or pushing or dragging my feet; with no resistance and no attachment to the outcome but with a preference still in it all.

I can say yes now :). 

So probably the most important thing coming up is my surgery. On June 10th I go in for another myomectomy to remove more fibroids. This time I have 15 and my doctor feels that the best way to remove them is with an abdominal surgery as opposed to a laser surgery. So that means another c-section incision, this time probably across instead of down like my previous one, and 5 to 6 weeks of recovery. Yeah, that's going to be interesting :). 

The good thing is that this will be built in slow down time. Sure, getting it through recovery from surgery is not ideal but I am wise enough to not question the Universe (God). So I will be doing lots of reading for fun, crafting because it makes me happy to crochet pretty things, watching movies and Netflix series (Grace and Frankie anyone??), journaling and generally relaxing and healing. I will not lie and say I'm not looking forward to it. 

And in this time I'll be shifting too, shifting to do more of the work that lights me up and less of the work that drains me.  

In that spirit, I have decided to do one Facial Treats class on June 28th while I'm recovering and to do a handful of Holistic Skincare Consultations and Empowerment Readings in my last few weeks.

Yola had this to say about her Holistic Skincare consultation: 

You are amazing at what you do and what you do goes beyond wellness and beauty consultation; it allows people to be seen, heard, and know that they matter and all of this while educating them that beauty and wellness is rooted in nature and simple is powerful!!! 

And Tameka had this to say about her Empowerment Reading: 

"Leah's Empowerment Readings are Spot-On!" If you are interested in an empowerment reading, but not quite sure about it, count my testimonial as that last little nudge you need to go for it!
At worst, I thought I'd get a vague overview that could be applied to anyone's life. At best, I though Leah may touch on a few things that were relevant to me. My expectations were much more than exceeded. Not only was Leah 'spot-on' with things in my reading I'd never expressed to another soul, her detail and video delivery were also a pleasant surprise. She not only made sure I understood her process, but through her gift, I immediately understood how her reading applied to my life.
Leah will welcome you with her warmth, guide you with her wisdom, and empower you to be the highest form of your true self!

If you are curious about any of these and want to chat about it, reply back and we will before the 10th :). I do have a 4 spaces available for this next week also - if you want one of those, jump on my schedule and we'll go from there!

Thank you for being a light in my life!