If you want something you have to make it happen right? You see what you want and you go after it. That’s how it’s done. Hustle, strive, grind hard. Right? WRONG.
Hi, My name is Leah and I am a recovering Make it Happen girl :-).
That in fact used to be my motto. If I wanted something, I would go after it. I wholeheartedly believed that this was the only way you got what you wanted.
And I’d love to be able to say that this way got me everything I wanted. And I can say that it got me some things for sure. But what I can also say is that this way is definitely the hard way. And so I want to pose a question to you. Why are you making yourself do it the hard way?
This is what I need you to understand. The Go-Getter, hustler chick within you - she is driving you like cattle. She is whipping your tired little back and scolding you for tripping in the dust and taking too long. She is not your friend. She is not going to celebrate when you get to where you thought you were supposed to be going. She’s going to just be driving you even harder to the next promised land.
Going after things in life from an external, cattle-prodding place isn’t sustainable. It doesn’t create happiness. It rarely even creates real success (and if on the off-chance it does, you can rarely access the joy of it anyway). What it does create is a subconscious loop of stress, strain and the need to do more and more and more. It keeps you constantly feeling like you aren’t doing it well enough (and might never be), which actually blocks you from getting what you really are after.
Now yes, people may praise you for your drive and tenacity and go-getter gungho-ness. I let this blind me too. Unfortunately, this is just fuel for the erroneous thought pattern. It encourages you to keep driving yourself, even though you’re actually really getting tired and approaching burnout and disappointment (again) fast..
And though you are afraid to admit this might be true, I’m going to go ahead and say it outloud - this way is just not going to get you there. Where you are really trying to go.
To get to where you really are trying to go, you have to get to the point where you actually don’t care. What I mean is that you have to get to where you know that there’s not one more thing you need to do to get there. *THAT* is the key to getting there. It’s really like those floodgates they talk about. It will pour in AND you won’t be doubting if you are worthy.
Basically, it has to come from the inside out.
When I indulge in things that have no external purpose or in them NOT for their external purpose, that is when I change. That is how I create evidence.
Recognize this now. The way you have been taught is not working. It is instead the very thing that is keeping you married to anxiety, sadness and disappointment.
It’s not that you can’t achieve the things you are after. It’s not that the superwoman you see yourself as is impossible. It’s that you can not approach becoming her from a deficit. When you are in the place of thinking you need to “do more” to become her, instead of just allowing her to rise from within you, you keep her outside of you, a little past arms-length, almost reachable but just out of touch.
Instead of more tensing, it requires more relaxing. It requires more settling in than striving out.
So here is a little thought experiment for you to begin exploring this idea for yourself.
I want you to get in touch with what a reframe of not having to do anything external to be worthy does for you. I want you to explore how that shifts you slightly and initiates a lightness and perhaps even an exhale.
What would it be like to not seek nor need anyone’s approval?
What would it be like to have the audacity to do something just because you wanted to, not because it would get you anywhere?
Do either of these feel odd to you? Uncomfortable? Purposeless? Stupid? How does it sit with you to know you are doing something for purely selfish reasons?
Does selfishness feel wrong? Does being self-involved and self-indulgent feel like a negative thing?
Now, consider for a moment that YOU are in fact the MVP of your life and so it’s actually expected that you get special treatment from yourself. You get to have all of the attention and energy focused on what you want. See what happens when you embody the role of the deserving celebrity. How would you treat the one that you admire and would actually bend over backwards for to make comfortable and happy?
Think you deserve that? I do :-).