Fear Vs. Opportunity

Hey love <3, 

I know that we've had a TOUGH few days. I wanted to send this to you yesterday but I know today it will still help - if you are in need of help to feel better about the state of things. 

I think what's most important is that you and me - we - remember all of the examples in our own lives where choosing the higher path of love changed things in an instant. I'm talking about moments where you smiled at someone, you held the door open, you conceded that you were wrong and apologized..even when you gave someone a hug that needed it. These are the acts, thoughts, and deeds that will change us and those around us into the people we wish they were and we wish we were. That little bit of extra effort is going to be so worth it. 

I talked about this in a FB Live Chat yesterday morning as it all was sinking in. You can watch it here. Now is the time to challenge yourself to be encouraged. So much is riding on it in these days <3.

Always love!


P.S.If you are feeling dazed and need help moving forward, I am here for you! You can reach out via my Tarot page (just click on the image below) or by hopping on my schedule at calendly.com/leahpatterson  

For the ladies: Get Your Mojo Back with 3 Herbal Allies!

A few weeks ago, I gave a talk in my Facebook Group Inner Goddess, Outer Glow on getting your 'mojo' back. For me, mojo is your vitality, spice for life, essence of thriving! As we all know, life can take it's toll on us if we aren't mindful and all of a sudden, we can find ourselves without our usual zest and pep in our step. 

It's easy to approach this with in the moment fixes, however, long term attention is often the best way to bring about lasting change and get our mojo back revved up enough to sustain us. That's why I focus on herbal allies in this video :). 

Check it out and be sure to download your special worksheet afterwards! You can access the video below, you just need to join the Facebook Group if you aren't already a member. 

Watch video: https://www.facebook.com/1renaissancewoman/videos/10209017573530898/

Download your worksheet here!: http://bit.ly/herbalallies

3 Ways to Bounce Back from a Suicide Attempt

Originally published on Huffington Post, I decided that this needed to be here as well :). 
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I am a suicide survivor. Not in the sense that is often used today – someone who’s left behind when a person commits suicide. I am in fact a suicide attempt survivor. I opted to take my life on a lonely night out of the country at a friend’s house when life had gotten particularly low. It is only because some small sliver of hope still had a voice in me that I am alive today. That voice convinced me to call my counselor and after a lot of talking, my counselor convinced me to call 911.

There was a moment when she didn’t think that I would call. And she was prepared to be with me while I died over that phone line. I think that her willingness to be with me in what could have been my final moment is what tipped my scales and got me to call.

What resulted was a horrible experience of ambulances, hospitals, embarrassment, and mostly shame.

Bouncing back wasn’t easy. And that is what this article is about.

With this being Suicide Prevention Month, my thoughts went back to that time 8 years ago. Things had gotten so bad in my mind that suicide seemed to be my best choice. At that time, I didn’t think I mattered and my self-loathing was overwhelming. After my suicide attempt, every single moment was a struggle. I had no idea how I was going to make it now that I had decided to live.

I am such a different person now. The new people in my life wouldn’t believe that I’d ever been severely depressed, let alone suicidal. They’d hardly believe that I even still deal with depression and anxiety and that I’ve just learned effective coping strategies and radical self-care practices that have led me out of the bad zones. They see me as a bright, bubbly, always positive ray of sunshine.

“After my suicide attempt, every single moment was a struggle. I had no idea how I was going to make it now that I had decided to live.”

So how did I get here? How did I get from where I was 8 years ago, trying to bounce back from a suicide attempt on my own to bright and silver lining focused?

It was a long process but these are three of the first steps I took.

1. Distraction

When I attempted suicide, I was in a foreign country and without close friends or family. After my hospital experience, I had to ride a bus 16 plus hours back home to a city where I didn’t have anyone but my counselor to help me rebuild. Suffice it to say that I was clearly still in danger mentally. One of the first things that helped me stay alive was distraction. Heavy thoughts were no good at all. So to keep my mind occupied, I distracted myself with any and everything. That meant becoming hyper focused on whatever was in front of me. I let myself get distracted by the people around me, by the pattern on the seats, by choosing what snack to grab from the vending machine etc. Anything that would occupy my mind sufficed. I just had to keep my mind busy and the busier I could keep my mind, the more time would pass and then all of a sudden, I would have gotten through a day. And another day. And another day. For a long time, that’s exactly how I made it.

2. Mini-victories

When I think about the way that I thought before, it amazes me that I survived. I even had the belief once that not being able to successfully kill myself was yet another example of my inadequacy. Inadequacy was a major theme and being a failure ran through the core of that. So when I was rebuilding myself, I had to make my focus small. I told myself that just for right now, any little thing I do is a reason to celebrate. If I got out of bed that day, I celebrated. If I made tea that day, I celebrated. Actually making dinner – that was cause for bells and whistles.

It didn’t matter that I didn’t have anyone to celebrate with me. I wrote my little wins down in my journal and reminded myself that I was doing so well. I reminded myself that I was just a short time away from deciding that I didn’t want to be around anymore, so just the fact that I’d decided to stay was major. I reminded myself that I had at least earned the right to just focus on the small things. I comforted myself and patted my own self on the back. And I told myself that just for right now, that would be ok.

3. An Important Promise

This is probably the most important thing that I did. I was lucky that there was someone around me that made me make this promise because it’s not something I thought of on my own. I think of this woman as my angel. She looked me in the eyes and she made me promise to her that no matter what, I would never attempt suicide again. And as hard as it was at the time, I promised her. To this day, that promise has been a savior in my life. There have been times that this promise has been the hook that has pulled me out of a depressive spiral. Many times it has been the catalyst that has spurred me on to get help when I’ve needed it.

Why does a promise have so much power? It’s not the promise part, because you can make promises to yourself that you justify breaking. It’s much more about who you make that promise to and what disappointing that person would mean for you. In my case, disappointing this beautiful woman that treated me so lovingly at a time when I really needed it was and is unbearable to think of. That is the key. Make your promise to someone that it would be unbearable to disappoint and it will keep you true to it. Find that person in your life – maybe she’s the recovery nurse or your best friend or your daughter or son or your great aunt or even someone who popped into your life for just a brief moment. What matters is that their opinion of and faith in you matters more to you than giving in to your sadness and angst.

“That is the key. Make your promise to someone that it would be unbearable to disappoint and it will keep you true to it.”

This is heavy stuff and the journey from attempting suicide to knowing without a doubt that you are loved and wanted and valuable can be a long one. But it starts with tiny steps. Putting one figurative foot in front of the other is the path forward. These are the tiny steps that set me on my path and my hope is that they can help you step forward on yours. I invite you to join me over in my Facebook Group Inner Goddess/Outer Glow where I share more about the tips and technique that I use everyday to keeping taking those positive steps forward. In the resource files there, you’ll find articles and worksheets that will help you along your way!

Returning to Blogging

It's been a long time since I've written huh? It's not that I haven't been writing - it's just that I've been writing elsewhere. I started writing for the Huffington Post and next month I will start writing for Thrive Global, Ariana Huffington's latest project. I've also been writing for Best Kept Self and mostly I've been writing for myself to myself in my lovely little journals in an attempt to figure as much of everything out as possible. 

I suppose this is my coming to Jesus moment so to speak :-). I'll admit, I've been so busy and concerned about running a business the 'right' way, that I've actually not been working in my business but instead working on my business. That's fun and all but you can quickly and easily approach burnout. You feel like you are the only one doing everything (you mostly are) and there's never enough time for anything. 

It's stressful and it's not soul soothing. 

It takes you out of alignment and you forget why you are doing what you do in the first place. 

And then you start to doubt. And then that's when my particular downward spiral starts. 

So today, I'm returning back to my basics - back to the reasons I started this blog and even the reasons that I began teaching all those years ago anyway. I wanted people to feel empowered. I wanted people to know exactly how they could heal themselves. On all levels. I wanted people to know that it's possible to live life happy and on purpose. 

That is what is in alignment with my soul and my spirit. I'm not sure how that's going to turn into the type of income that frees me from worrying about ends meeting each month and through the month. I just know that right now, I need more than ever to be the truest to myself. 

And the interesting thing is that it is truly a nuanced thing. Because I am always endeavoring to operate out of my truth. But I am also wired to think about what would be the most pleasing to someone else. What I'm realizing though in the forefront of my mind (instead of in my afterthoughts and subconscious) is that it has to be pleasing to me first. When I do pleasing to me, I attract those that it's also pleasing to. 

Someone reminded me today that we are in a new paradigm. The old way of doing things, of bulldozing through, of making it happen on intent and will alone, on pushing harder, faster, and stronger - that this way is old, outdated, and doesn't even work anymore.

The new way is to be led by intuition, to continuously be tapping in and listening for and to divine inspiration. This is a way that comes naturally to me. I've always been led by my intuition, even to what seemed like at the time, a fault. It's affirming to know that the paradigm is shifting in my favor :). 

So what to expect? I'm not super sure. I'm going to let myself feel it out. I know that I'm going to dive into teaching more. I love to teach. I feel called to teach. I feel called to empower you through my hands on, tangible, teaching work. I feel called to motivate you to love yourself enough to show it in the physical realm and not just the mental. 

And I'm going to create more and just put it out there. And I'm not going to worry about the end result. I'm going to focus on the inspired action and let that be my guide. The right people will find me and what you need from me, you'll receive :). 

I'm believing it babe :). 

Stay tuned as I show you the truth of it :). 

7 Days to Clear Skin Challenge Recap!

Did you miss the 7 Days to Clear Skin Challenge? It was sooooo great and I had suuuuch a good time compiling all of the information for everyone who participated! Once the challenge got started, doing the Facebook Live videos in the group daily was such a treat as well! And the best part is that everyone who participated saw great results and are really pumped to keep up with their new skincare routines.

That is probably the best part for me – that I was able to give of the knowledge I’ve acquired through all of these years and it actively helped people. It’s a wonderful feeling when you know what you’ve shared has been useful!

So what did we cover in the skincare challenge? Well the premise was that in just 7 days, you can set your skin on a path towards healing, thereby bringing about that beautiful, glowing and clear skin that we all love seeing. It really is possible!

At the beginning of the challenge, I gave out a specific *simple* and basic skincare routine for everyone to follow. It consists of basic skincare items that will bring your skin back into balance. Many times when your skin is out of whack it needs a dose of basic care, so going back to the bare-bone basics of skincare is key.

Each day, in the emails and Facebook live videos, I talked in detail about different aspects of the skincare routine we followed. That way everyone participating understood *why* I made my recommendations and could begin the process of understanding exactly what their own skin needs are.

And as an added bonus, I conducted a 1-card Empowerment Reading for each day of the Challenge. Skincare can absolutely be a source of empowerment and what I reiterated each day was that, although caring for your skin at first can seem surface and even vain, it truly can be a bridge to loving and valuing yourself more, especially when you are DIY’ing it. So the Empowerment Readings helped to focus in on that aspect of the skincare work – helping everyone to see how to use this challenge as a source of empowerment as well.

It really was a blast and I’m sad for you if you missed it!

But the great news is that I will be doing a follow up free class this coming Wednesday on two vital steps to beautiful skin - scrubs and masks. We didn’t really get a chance to dive into those during the challenge, so that’s why I’m devoting a whole class to them :-). I would love for you to attend the class and learn why these two steps are so important and what you can use (from commonplace to exotic) to customize them for yourself.

I so hope you will join us!

Even though the class is free, I still need for you to register so that I can send you the special viewing link! Register here:  http://www.leahpatterson.com/2steps     

I'm looking forward to Wednesday! As always, if you have any questions, type them out in the comments or just send me a quick message :-). 

Mindset Magic!

Recovery is going really well :). I've been doing the requisite resting and relaxing. I've been catching up on my book and movie lists. I've been thinking and feeling and allowing. It's been so nice :).

So about the surgery, there ended up being 19 fibroids to remove. We (me and my doctor) opted for the same surgery, a c-section cut down my stomach between my belly button and nether regions. Thankfully they just reopened the previous cut so that my tummy wouldn't have an anchor etched into it :). 

This time around it was more painful that I remember and for the first time, I really wondered if I could handle another surgery like this - because there will hopefully be at least one more surgery like this in my life when I have my beautiful baby via c-section. (See how I'm putting my hopes into a visualized future :)). It was *that* painful. 

Thankfully, it has subsided substantially and I'm finding myself able to stretch out the time between pain pill doses :). Baby steps. Next week I think I'll even venture a walk through the neighborhood :). 

Thinking about my fibroids and how quickly they are growing gets me thinking about what causes them. On a physical level there are a few theories, but no one really knows the true answer. On an emotional level though, I think the conclusions that some people have come to hold a lot of merit. The most common reason I see stated for fibroids is that they hold stress, pent up emotions, unexpressed creativity, and unbirthed ideas. These non-cancerous tumors form to contain all of these things until you are ready to release or express them. 

When I think about what that could mean for me, it makes so much sense that it's almost comical. Let me explain. Going back to 4 years ago when my fibroids were first diagnosed, I lived in a sea of stress and had been like that for years. I'd been working so hard and so diligently on my goals that I'd become stagnant. The stress of succeeding and of making my current ideas at the time work was sometimes overwhelming - but I carried it. I soldiered on and I continued to 'fight the fight' to get where I wanted to be. And I definitely wouldn't let myself move forward on new ideas - I had to make the old ideas work. 

So it makes sense that my body would ball all of the tension and unexpressed energy in some way to try to protect the rest of me from it. What I mean is that a fibroid can be removed. Cancer for instance is a lot more difficult to remove. 

Fast forward to now and I can see again how I'm upleveling to an even lighter space of being. And it fits my current life goals and the stirrings I've been feeling in my soul. I know that I want a baby in my immediate future. I know that I want to live even more freely and creatively. I know that I want my new ideas and urgings to be expressed and nurtured and nourished.

It makes sense then that these last bits of stagnation, frustration, and old ways have positioned themselves to be removed. Interestingly, most of my fibroids were small. In there smallness though, they were still enough to keep an egg from implanting and cause excruciating pain every month. They were enough to get my attention and make me reach out to my doctor and press to find out what was going on. These little blocks were enough to need to be removed. 

And now they have been. And I don't plan to squander this beautiful gift.

I'm planning to give myself the time of day I need. I'm planning to be inspired and in wonderment everyday. I plan to make time to make myself smile and feel peaceful, at one, and in sync in whatever form and however many ways that takes.

I plan to move intentionally and to always remind myself that this moment is the most important thing. :). 

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I'm planning some great content for you that I'll be sending to my email tribe very soon. I'd love for you to receive it. If you are in need of some balance and some inspiration, join us :). 

June Brings Many Things!

Hello love!

Can you believe June is here! For once I am excited about where we are in the year. I'm feeling pretty joyful and even expectant of awesome things. That's a wonderful space to be in - very freeing and light. 

Now that doesn't mean that things are all peachy - quite the contrary. I've got some big things and big decisions and possibly major changes coming up in my near future. But instead of being afraid and stagnant, I am curious and open. I remember reading about approaching problems in this blissful way. I wondered if I'd be able to do it - if I'd be able to let the problems flow and to flow with them to their resolutions without pulling or pushing or dragging my feet; with no resistance and no attachment to the outcome but with a preference still in it all.

I can say yes now :). 

So probably the most important thing coming up is my surgery. On June 10th I go in for another myomectomy to remove more fibroids. This time I have 15 and my doctor feels that the best way to remove them is with an abdominal surgery as opposed to a laser surgery. So that means another c-section incision, this time probably across instead of down like my previous one, and 5 to 6 weeks of recovery. Yeah, that's going to be interesting :). 

The good thing is that this will be built in slow down time. Sure, getting it through recovery from surgery is not ideal but I am wise enough to not question the Universe (God). So I will be doing lots of reading for fun, crafting because it makes me happy to crochet pretty things, watching movies and Netflix series (Grace and Frankie anyone??), journaling and generally relaxing and healing. I will not lie and say I'm not looking forward to it. 

And in this time I'll be shifting too, shifting to do more of the work that lights me up and less of the work that drains me.  

In that spirit, I have decided to do one Facial Treats class on June 28th while I'm recovering and to do a handful of Holistic Skincare Consultations and Empowerment Readings in my last few weeks.

Yola had this to say about her Holistic Skincare consultation: 

You are amazing at what you do and what you do goes beyond wellness and beauty consultation; it allows people to be seen, heard, and know that they matter and all of this while educating them that beauty and wellness is rooted in nature and simple is powerful!!! 

And Tameka had this to say about her Empowerment Reading: 

"Leah's Empowerment Readings are Spot-On!" If you are interested in an empowerment reading, but not quite sure about it, count my testimonial as that last little nudge you need to go for it!
At worst, I thought I'd get a vague overview that could be applied to anyone's life. At best, I though Leah may touch on a few things that were relevant to me. My expectations were much more than exceeded. Not only was Leah 'spot-on' with things in my reading I'd never expressed to another soul, her detail and video delivery were also a pleasant surprise. She not only made sure I understood her process, but through her gift, I immediately understood how her reading applied to my life.
Leah will welcome you with her warmth, guide you with her wisdom, and empower you to be the highest form of your true self!

If you are curious about any of these and want to chat about it, reply back and we will before the 10th :). I do have a 4 spaces available for this next week also - if you want one of those, jump on my schedule and we'll go from there!

Thank you for being a light in my life!

Mind, Body, and Spirit for the Dancer - New Project!

It’s been a soul searching kind of month :). So many things have come up! I’ve had to deal with lots of disappointment and with the realization that some of my dreams weren’t really mine and really needed to die. And that process has been hard. It’s been a constant job to maintain my happiness and hopefulness. On all levels, mind body and spirit, I’ve been struggling to stay afloat. 

But through this tumultuous month, I’ve also realized great comeback moments. I’ve been reminded constantly of my value AND of how I shortchange myself. I’ve seen first hand how my own perspective clouds a situation and creates an entirely different false reality. I’ve had so many opportunities to practice my word for the year Courage. There have been so many ways, all in the space of 20 something short days, to put every aspect of my will and belief in myself to the test.  And when I have looked and have operated on faith and have trusted, help has been everywhere. And the whisper of intuition and the Universe has been in my ear, on my mind, and in the words of other people to me guiding me to the light that comes after the little deaths. 

I want to tell you about one of those conversations today. If you’ve been with me for a while, you probably know how important a holistic approach to life is for me. You might be familiar with my particular struggles with mental illness and you might also know that I believe taking care of your mind body and spirit is necessary for a happy, healthy soul that can overcome mental illness’s hold over one’s life. You also probably know how important being a dancer is to me - how vital to my life it is and how much I’ve worked and sacrificed for it. 

Well in my work that spans the worlds of mind, body, and spirit, I’ve often had difficulty figuring out how to bring my dance life into that work. It felt like there wasn’t a place for dance in my holistic beauty, health and wellness training. I felt like I just wasn’t sure how the two meshed. 

I toyed with the idea of creating a community of dancers that all cared about learning more on holistic beauty and wellness and for a time I did that - but kept feeling like it wasn’t gelling. And so I let that idea go for a time. 

Then a week or so ago, I was fortunate enough to meet a wonderful kindred spirit who brought all of it back to me and showed me the way to do it. See, I used to have a non-profit organization years ago where I taught all about holistic living, natural health and wellness. My focus then was lower income communities because I felt like they were the ones getting left behind. What this kindred spirit helped me to see is that there are a lot more people being left behind and I, with my unique background, could serve one particular group very well.

 Dancers. Yes, I could serve dancers who inevitably deal with so many mind, body, and spirit issues.

I looked back on my time traveling and performing every other week and boom - I saw it all. Being rail thin and thinking I was as big as a house. Feeling inferior to other dancers for no reason other than skin tone or hair type or body type. Starving myself and being on the extreme side of strict to fit a certain aesthetic. Dealing with horrible skin breakouts from stage makeup and bad eating habits. Syking myself in and out before performances, auditions, and competitions. Asking God, the Universe, anyone what I was was supposed to be doing in this dance world and feeling lost and unanswered.  

So many things that I know other dancers deal with day to day. 

I realized that I have a unique voice that can speak to them and I realized just how much I would have benefited from a voice like that when I was in the thick of it. 

And so this is my new project. Am I am ecstatic about it. I’ll be perfectly honest. I don’t know how it’s going to unfold. I don’t know how I’m going to manage it with everything else. But I do know that some things that I thought were so important just aren’t anymore. I’m letting them fall away no matter how scary that is. I’m getting done with NOT looking forward to the things on my to do list. The old adage that life is too short and too precious is true no matter how you look at it. 

So the fact that the thought of this fills me up with excitement and a rush that I can’t explain in words is THE thing that drives me and is THE thing that is important. Feelings like this are what we live for. Feelings like this are what make everything else possible. They are the fuel for the impossible. 

I had to go through a lot of little deaths, disappointments, stark clear moments, and deep dark places to get to the light again. Getting to the fuel sometimes requires that, but if you let yourself flow through it all (that’s what I call operating on faith), I know you’ll find yours.