How I Found Out I was an Empathic Snob...

Photographer: John Canelis | Source: UnsplashPhotographer: John Canelis | Source: Unsplash

I was intrigued by my default responses. This post was clearly triggering me - but why? Why did I care so much that someone was tooting their own horn? Why did it matter to me one bit at all that through tooting his own horn, he'd received hundreds of messages affirming his "awesomeness" and hundreds more brownie points in the form of the desperately sought after "likes" confirming that?

Why on this beautiful earth did I care? And even more importantly, why did it sting so much for a dear friend to then call me out as an intellectual snob when I mentioned my affliction to him?

These were my ponderings on a slow Sunday when all the world felt a little too melancholy and grey for my liking. This is when I got all the way into feeling like I am not for this world and all the way back to, I am exactly for this world.

Let me explain.

It all has to do with this word empath and my new revelations on how I have been living a mostly shielded life instead of the fully empowered life that I thought I was living. I thought that I had done such a good job of crafting my life. My outside triggers were few and far in between. I mostly had people around me that supported me and looked at life similarly to me. I didn't interact on a regular base with people that upset me.

I thought this was good. I thought this was cause to pat myself on the back. I thought living inside of my bubble was a positive thing to be celebrated.

But what I've been realizing over these past few weeks is that in fact, maybe this is NOT a good thing anymore. What I've been slowly seeing is that where it was good back then, when I needed shielding and a safe place, now there is good reason to change and diversify my exposure and experiences.

What I've been realizing is that I've not been allowing myself to really go there with people, to really let myself completely feel, connect and understand them individually and intimately for fear (subconscious mind you) that I'll get lost there - that I'll get lost in all that it means to be them.

Right now, I control my exposure to pain very well. My own pain is more than enough lol. Allowing myself to be openly exposed to other people's pain brings on the fear of not being able to control it - not being able to shut the gates and stop the flow.

And so what do you subconsciously do as an empath? - you shut it completely down and you begin creating this false sense of disconnect/superiority/intellectual distance.

It's protection and fear and it's very subtle. This isn't your blunt - "I don't like you, I like you" deal. This is much more nuanced and whispery. It's a silent forcefield that once protected you and now just isolates you. It feels very safe, but it also keeps you from really connecting. And you have to wonder if, as an empath, at some point, it keeps you from really doing the work you're here to do.

So this is my current challenge. I'm actively exploring ways to engage more fully with the world and practice NOT being overwhelmed by the world. And by "the world" I mean with individual people of the world - engaging with them genuinely without deflective INFJ, empathic barrier shields up or self-deprecating tactics in play. Finding the ways to "feel them" without getting lost "within them".

I've had many years of strengthening my own boundaries and learning how to let energy and feelings flow through me, especially those that aren't mine. I feel like I'm strong enough to put it into better practice. So we shall see.

And what about you? How are you doing on this front? I know that many of you struggle with your own version of this type of empathic barrier. Maybe you are on the side of not having enough of a barrier. Or perhaps you too have been way too rigid with yourself and the world as of late.

It's good food for thought and there is a lot of gold to be found within it. I encourage you to explore and if you like, we can explore it together in an intuitive tarot reading. I'm offering these again and I'd love to read for you!

You can purchase a reading here: Empowerment Readings

What's Right for YOU?

Photographer: Glenn Carstens-Peters | Source: Unsplash

Boom, we’re all of a sudden at the Virgo New Moon - a day past it in fact. And I’m doing my best to really tap into the energy and feel into (and figure out) what my next steps in life look like. As per always, my life is filled with potential change and potential paths. That’s why a Virgo moon is really a great gift for a multi-passionate person. It helps immensely with clarity on what path, out of the thousands available, is the best one for you right now.

What my intuition, readings and personal knowledge say about this one though, is that it’s not just about what makes the best sense, it’s also about what feels the best. After all, our feelings are really the barometer of what is actually *right* for us.

That’s one thing that I have difficulty with however because it all feels right. It all feels like THIS, THIS is what I should be doing. But when I go deeper, I begin to see just how much of what I THINK feels right, is really just residuals of what OTHER people think feels right, what I THINK other people think is right and even what I think will make other people feel that *I* am right.

Let me explain with real-life examples. This weekend two things have come up as triggers for me about what I should be doing with my life. They both are things that in the past, caused me to fall into doubting myself and questioning my path and asking yet again, why can’t I just be normal.

(The beauty is that I’m catching myself faster and I’m asking more insightful curious questions. AND I’m moving forward with what I feel good about anyway.)

The Houston BIG Salsa Festival.

The Houston BIG Salsa Festival is this weekend. I’ve been seeing posts about it from salsa friends and acquaintances and it’s been picking at old wounds and begging me to *go there* - into the space of wondering why that never happened for me. Or if I want that to still happen for me. And what that even looks like in real life. And even why I THINK that never happened for me when in fact it did, just not quite how I envisioned.

Seeing another mental health advocate receive praise.

There’s a website that I admire that regularly features articles about mental health advocacy, specifically from and about women of color. Yet they’ve never featured anything of mine, though I’ve submitted things for their consideration, have tagged them on things and even spoke with the founder over the phone and connected really well. Today I saw that they posted something else and I spiraled down the comparison well. I fell into the space of asking myself why *I’d* never been featured, why *I* couldn’t be more consistent with my work as a mental health advocate and why I couldn’t just focus on one thing.

And all of this introspection makes perfect sense for Virgo season, especially because I’ve been diligently working on understanding what my business is really about, how I want it to grow and what I want it to look like in the future.

One thing that I have to continue to remind myself of and make peace with is that I’m doing things a different way. I’m just a different person. I have different ideas and different ways of thinking. And this is RIGHT. This is the way it’s supposed to be. I am a paradigm shifter. I am a changemaker. I am a catalyst creator. It’s what I’ve always been and what I probably always will be. I’ll always have different ideas. I’ll always see things in a different way. I’ll always want to combine things and create synchroncities where they may not have actually existed before. I’ll always want to do things in a slightly different, very me-esque way.

That’s just me. And the sooner and more often that I make that right in my OWN mind, the more quickly and consistently everyone else will believe it’s right too. It’s on ME. NOT on them.

And one of the really interesting things I’ve found in my life is that this statement that it’s on me and not on them is more true than most realize.

Most of the time, YOU are the one standing in your way. You probably have tons of cheerleaders around you, trying to convince you of your awesomeness, reminding you of your innate power and birthrights and telling you that you can do it. It’s YOU that is still standing on the edge of the pool, barely dipping a toe in.

So in this season of Virgo, especially over this next week, see what comes up for you about what is really YOU. Yes, there are a bazillion things you could do because you are in fact that awesome. But you owe it to yourself to NOT to try to do them all. At least not all in the same span of seconds :). You owe it to yourself to make YOU just as important as all the things you could do.

This is what I’m working on. This is what is going to help me streamline MY life and say to myself - “that’s ok Leah” when HardAss Leah shows up to point out that I could have been an internationally famous salsa dancer or I could have been a nationally known mental health advocate - if only I’d done more.

I”m not about doing more. I’m about doing what I want, what makes my heart sing. What makes me ultimately just a little bit happier.

If you are about figuring this out for yourself too, I’ve created some journal prompts that can be helpful.

5 Signs that Dance is Your Soul's Language

Dance has always been a part of my life. I was the little girl dancing in the mirror in my bedroom, creating choreographies for me and my friends. At sockhops and high school parties, I was always the one that couldn’t stop moving, reciting the songs and moving to the beats in one big ball of expression. Maybe you were something like this too?
 

I didn’t realize until much later that dance was an integral part of my essence - one of the major languages of my soul in fact. It took honest and reflective conversations with friends and deep introspective time with myself to come to the realization that dance was not just something that I enjoyed, but was a transformative method of healing for myself and through me, for others.

I know that I am not the only one that has been given this gift either. I know that there are many other souls who speak through the language of dance. Whether they dance professionally, around the house, on the weekends or just in their own bedrooms, dance moves them and speaks for them in a way that is truly unique and special.

My guess is that if you’ve been drawn to read this article, you might be one of us.

But how do you know for sure? Well these 5 signs below are clear clues that dance could be a primary language of your soul. Welcome home if so <3! I’m creating a community just for us - to nurture and nourish the dancer’s soul - mind, body and spirit!

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1. You can’t help but dance - even when you’re sitting down.

Whether it’s bopping around in your car or sitting down for dinner, you can’t help but move. Friends and family often point out to you that you are dancing around to music that only you can here. You probably don’t even notice - it’s just an involuntary response, the same way someone twiddles their thumbs or taps their foot. Your body just needs to move and express itself, even if just slightly.

2. When you are happy, you dance.

This is another one that you probably haven’t noticed until someone pointed it out. When you are happy, you start dancing. Eating food you really enjoy? You start bobbing your head or shimmying your shoulders. Just got some good news? You break out into a little dance jig of celebration. Dancing is definitely one of your soul’s way of expressing happiness and it’s your default all the time.

3. You could watch dance videos - instructional or performances - all day long.

You watch dance videos the same way people watch music videos or gaming videos - video after video, hour after hour. Each one excites you even more, eliciting deep emotions within you - from tears to high-fives. What’s more, you imagine what it would feel like to be doing those actual moves. You envision how awesome it would be to learn the routines and you might even find yourself walking through some of it - rewinding that video just a few more times until you get at least one part of it down.

4. When you hear music, you automatically see choreography. In your mind’s eye, you are constantly seeing different ways to express the emotions you feel in songs.

You can envision huge ensembles and solo acts to your favorite music. You can sometimes even feel the ache in your bones to give a song a visual interpretation. You probably have a secret list of songs you would love to create your own choreographies to. I know that I do :-).

5. You were the closet/mirror dancer as a child.

You were the child upstairs in his or her room, pretending to be Janet Jackson, Michael Jackson, Chris Brown, Ciara, Beyonce or any of the world’s other pop dance icons. You imagined yourself in your own music video - not singing, but *dancing*. You memorized all of the moves from their latest videos and performed them over and over again for yourself and whoever was willing to watch. You probably did a few family reunion and neighborhood talent shows too. You could spend all day happily dancing.

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If you identify with even a few of these, dance is much more than just movement for you. It’s a need to move that feeds your soul. It gives you life just as much as you feel that you express your life through it. It is the ultimate form of nourishment and nurturing for your soul.

Oh if it were just that though. But dance also has its shadow side. In the pursuit of dance, we also run right up against our insecurities, fears, doubts and secret worries. In the expression of dance, we lay ourselves out in the most prostate and vulnerable of ways, exposing ourselves to the opinions and approval of others and challenging ourselves to be unaffected and undeterred by them. Dance lovingly gives us the opportunity to love, sometimes with toughness, on ourselves and face all of the things that make us want to shrink head on.

Its gift is multifold and dynamic in its highs and lows.

This is why I’m creating the Dancer’s Bliss Community - an Academy to Nourish the Dancer’s Soul - Mind, Body and Spirit.

With dance as our vehicle and connection, DBC will help you to navigate the terrain of growth that dance inevitably will introduce you to. No matter if you are an amateur dancer in love with social dancing as many nights as you can, a dance major auditioning for your first paying gig or a weekend professional dancing on stages to the wee hours of the night on Saturdays and punching a clock at your 9 to 5 on Mondays, this academy is where you can grow within a community that understands you, your passion and your desire to evolve and expand.

Simply put, I get it and together we get it.

The doors to the academy will open very soon and I would love for you to know as soon as they do. If you’d like to be notified, just click here and leave me your email address.

I promise, you will be first to know :-).   

As a special thank you, I'll also send you my Woowoo Resources for Dancers Guide with two powerful resources to help you embrace the magick of dance even more!

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6 Traits of a Woman Ready to Stand in Her Own Power

How do you know when you are ready - ready to stand up for yourself and actually claim that you are powerful and worthy?

I think that if you find yourself even contemplating this question, it’s time to do something about it.

But just in case you aren’t really sure, here are 6 traits that I know for sure signify that it’s time to re-evaluate how you are moving in the world.

1.  You find yourself feeling fed up and on edge.

Are you just tired? Do you feel like you can’t take one more thing. Is everything annoying and close to pissing you off? The eggshells thing - has anyone mentioned that they are walking on them around you? This is a clear indication that you need some change.

2.  You begin to feel like not rocking the boat at the expense of hurting yourself just isn’t acceptable anymore.

Some things need to be said. Some things need to change and some things need to end. Compromising to the point of pain is no longer an option.

3. You can suddenly see through all of the bs.

You are just over it. Done. The veiled lies and the rose colored glasses aren’t for you anymore. You aren’t interested in perpetuating the bs any longer.

4. You begin to notice how unhappy people are and wonder how they are really doing and how much they are faking it.

Because you can see the bs so well now, you can also see the pain all around you. You can see people caging themselves into their shoulds, faking happiness and interest. It’s almost sickening as it becomes more and more evident and unignorable. It makes you wonder how you look to the world too. Do you look that sad, stressed and fake?

5. You refuse to fake it anymore.

Whatever it is, that’s what it is. You refuse to act like something is that isn’t. You refuse to pretend that you’re feeling a way that you're not and  you refuse to make nice about things. You want real healing, true change and an actual different way of living. Not just band-aids and fake smiles.

6. You have this sense that there is more to you and more to life than what you can currently see.

That’s your true self calling to you. That feeling right there is probably the most important key. You know that this fakery, run run run, over-extending and over-bending yourself for whoever shows up needing it is not your sole purpose in life. In fact, you are clear on the fact that, at the least, that way has to change. You just can’t keep it up. And you are so very ready for the more. For the thing that makes this life thing a joy instead of a chore.

If these resonate with you, then it’s time. You are ready for the levelup. You are ready to feel so much better and from the core to the outside. The desperation and/or frustration you may be feeling is only temporary. It’s just showing you where things need to change. The most important thing to know is that you are ready to step into and stand firmly in your own power. That is cause for celebration <3.

I invite you to grab my overview of Why Being a Go-Getter is Getting You Nowhere and what to do instead. Just click here to download it. In it, you’ll see even more clearly why it’s time for a new way and get some concrete steps forward to start paving it.

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What Failing at Whole Foods Felt Like

This post is completely in honor of the Full Moon Lunar Eclipse and the fact that I am a different person now, transformed by the fires of my experiences, really and truly dancing on the ashes. It may sound a bit poetic, but it is the absolute truth. 

I'm soaking in the effects of yet another major change and it prompted me to look back at other tower moments in my life. Failing at Whole Foods was one of them. The beauty of being transformed though is that I no longer have to carry shame about that story and I no longer have to identify with that story. I'll admit, that last part has been and still is a work in progress. But progressed it has - so much. 

So, in honor of being free of this story and able to release it to the world to help someone else, here is the post I wrote on my personal blog 2 years after Etniq Minerals was pulled from Whole Foods here in Little Rock. 
 

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What Failing at Whole Foods Feels Like

Posted on April 6, 2015

This is something that I haven’t talked about really with anyone. I’ve just kind of swept it under the rug. I went on with a hopeful face and acted like everyone wanted me to act – still hopeful, still determined, still engaged, still resilient and full of belief in myself. You get knocked down you GET BACK UP. I acted like I got back up. And I sort of did.

I sort of dealt with it. I definitely felt like I gave the impression to everyone that I was understanding of the need for change. I gave the impression that I was willing to keep trying no matter what. I admitted that I did my best and I decided to keep it moving.

I was broken though. I don’t know if anyone cared that I was broken. Or maybe noone knew how to deal with the brokenness. All they could muster to say was, that’s ok leah, things happen for a reason..this is probably better anyway. You’ll turn things around. You’ll be able to get your sales up and get right back into Whole Foods.

Two years later, no not yet.

In truth, I tried not to tell anyone. I didn’t tell my family until they just finally kind of realized it. I didn’t tell my friends until they too just noticed that the products weren’t there anymore. I didn’t tell anyone really. I just felt like such a failure. Such such such a failure.

On top of my depression, on top of just the horridness of what it feels like to fail, this was a major major failure.

Whole Foods was my holy grail. I went to Whole Foods years and years and years before it was cool. I loved Whole Foods. Back home in Chicago, I was the weird girl in the early 2000s that only shopped at Whole Foods. The BROKE weird girl. *I* was the one that knew about organic food and holistic living and herbs and natural medicine. *I* was the one that loved everything Whole Foods stood for and tried to introduce my family and my friends to it. *I* was the one that figured out how to shop cheaply there with coupons and following the sales. *I* was the one that would get an Odwalla or Naked smoothie, a 365 milk chocolate bar with hazelnuts, and a slice of cornbread on period days. And pizza. *I* was the one that told Little Rockers what they were missing and came here and felt so sad that there was no Whole Foods (and then there was one and I felt Happy that at least there was one, even a small one, here).

I did workshops at the Whole Foods in Oaklawn back home as an esthetician about natural beauty. I would drive way out of my way to go to the Whole Foods in Durham. MY lotion was 365 brand and MY herbs came from the bulk bins. I, ME, I was the naturalista, the granola girl, the weird black girl that liked all this natural stuff.

So to FINALLY have products there OMG. Can you IMAGINE what a major boost to my fragile ego this was??? Can you IMAGINE??

People who knew nothing about Whole Foods were like oh hey there’s this natural store around here..some new kind of stuff..it might be cool to have your products there. The person who initially introduced me to the idea that my products could ever be there had no idea how big Whole Foods was. She had just casually emailed them about hers and got a response. WTH.

I would have NEVEr imagined that I could have been a vendor at Whole Foods. NEVER. and then BOOM it happened. ANd then BOOM I let it fail.

And now I know a little bit more keenly that a lot of the things I beat myself up for about with the Whole Foods venture (and with all my ventures) had to do with my depression. Depression is horrible. Depression made every single thing so hard. Depression and low self esteem made demoing horrid. Depression kept me from trying full out the new ideas I had for growth. Depression kept me from feeling good about what *was* happening. I fought the depression but the fight was so hard. So very hard.

So today was a bit of a triumph – actually setting foot in the same Whole Foods – seeing the old managers – having the awkward moments – feeling like shit. I haven’t been to that Whole Foods in the two and a half years since they dropped my products.

ok maybe once.

I had a good convo with my boyfriend today though and i think it’s a reasonable goal to want to get back in that Whole Foods. All they want to see is sales. That’s it. If I have considerable sales in the Little Rock area, they will be willing to take a chance on me again. This new whole foods is bigger. it’s attracting more people. It’s more possible now. people may be more into makeup now. I have better resources now. and a better support system.

I have to remember that what’s in my head is not always reality. this is another one of those – you can be defeated leah or you can be triumphant.

it’s hard choosing. I’m trying to choose though.

I kinda need some support with keeping my head up about this…I’m glad that I finally wrote it all out though :). I’m sure there are more feelings to digest but at least this is a start. Thanks so much for reading :).

Full Moon Eclipse Fall Out

So this full moon held the promise of major change. Doors closing and doors opening. Well, I can attest to it. I've had the endings and now I'm looking forward to the beginnings :-). I'm no master astrologer, but what I do know is that there is opportunity in everything and I talked about that today on Instagram. I gave a reading for what this Full Moon is giving us the opportunity to release. (You can view in my stories for the next 20 hours or so www.instagram.com/goddesslifestlyecoaching)

Even now, I'm having ahas about it. The basic premise is that there is something (or multiple somethings like it is for me) that we've been working so hard on, doing what was necessary at the time to bring about the manifestation. And now we are getting tired. Well we were getting tired. It was beginning to wear us down, to not feel worth it. And we felt so guilty for feeling like that. We felt like maybe we should be more patient, more understanding, more diligent, more persevering. But in truth the time has passed for that. The time has come instead to move into a higher level of understanding and to release it back to the Universe. And to get back to flying light ourselves :-). And the way the Universe works, you can happily give it up or the Universe can rip it from your hands while you grasp at it like an upset toddler. 

It was fairly profound :-). There are some things that I'm sure I'll find the way to share with you soon about changes in my life. What's most important now though is that you know that you can fight it or you can roll with it, excitedly waiting for the next chapter.

I'm with the excitement all the way :-). 

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On the sometimes messy road to healing...

It’s been a little bit of a messy week emotionally. I’ve had some love and I’ve lost some love and the grieving process shook me up (as grieving processes should). I’ve come out of it on the other side though much more intact and a lot more aware and hopefully a little bit more healed. Fingers crossed.

What I realized in my self-exploration is that I was still reeling from old hurts I experienced in GRAMMAR SCHOOL. Grammar school dear. Like age 6 to 10. I grew up in a neighborhood where the popular people were mixed, light-skinned and had curly-hair. That still rolls off my tongue with such ease because it was something that I was painfully aware that I was not. My hair was wooly, I was not mixed and even though I was light-skinned, I still somehow got the ugly streak.

Now this is my kid-self talking. My adult self of course knows that I was NOT ugly, I was JUST shy and had my step-father been a little better at making me feel adequate, I wouldn’t have quite needed the validation of all of those mean little kids who were acting out their dysfunctions too.

So in my current relationship situation, I think I’ve realized what is there to heal at least right now - what the mirror is showing me today. My little girl self is still comparing herself to the light-skinned, mixed, curly-haired girls she went to grammar school with. Maybe not even comparing. Maybe still feeling the most gut-wrenching, despair-filled sense of helplessness and hopelessness because she was not born that way. In her logic, maybe if she’d been born that way, all this other stuff would be different too because surely the light-skinned, mixed, curly-haired girls had it better. On the playground they certainly did.

Plus the old stories of withholding affection being a tool of manipulation that causes me to scramble to get and maintain that attention and affection made an appearance as well. Adult Leah is well aware that she doesn’t *need* anyone else’s attention or affection, yet somehow my current situation triggered all of that subconscious reacting as I strove to be patient, understanding and unattached.

The one thing I can gladly say is that the Universe never fails me, even when I’m screaming at it. I was guided every step of the way to these revelations. By following my urges, I got the answers I was seeking and I do believe that some profound healing is in the process of unfolding.

I know by now that I don’t always have to decipher the whys and that I don’t actually have to do any of the heavy lifting. I just have to ask the questions and be open to hearing and exploring the answers *and then* I have to remember to ask for help.   

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