How to handle being told things you already know...

How do you handle learning things again that aren’t new to you? What’s your process when you could have sworn you’d “done that already”?

I’m reading a new book, You are a BadAss at Making Money by Jen Sincero. I’d shied away from reading it about a year or so ago because I felt like it would be stuff I already know. I mean, I enrolled in a course at the beginning of 2016 whose sole purpose was to help you change your money mindset and stop blocking the moola. I’d enrolled in two other money mindset courses before that. And countless other trainings, books and exercises have helped me to look into my relationship with money and change it for the better. So when this book came around the first time, I was really feeling like “been there, done that - got the t-shirt.”

The booked popped back up again though, right when I felt in need of some new energy around money creation and so I decided to pick it up. I have to admit that I’ve really been enjoying it. Jen’s writing style is a perfect mix of good information and the right type of humor to deliver it with. I feel like it’s written for someone like me, the queen of DIY for instance, predisposed to making thing harder for oneself just because it’s cheaper more so than just enjoying the crafting part of it.  

She introduces concepts that I’m familiar with in fresh ways that actually are giving me nuances of insight. My sticking point is that as I’m reading them, I remember when I first came across them, feeling like I’d found the holy grail. Like “great! This is all that I have to do. I’ll be manifesting the things I want and need in no time. All of the successes that I’m claiming, they are about to show up big time!”

And it wasn’t that at all. Things didn’t show up in my life just because I put them on my vision board. (I’m still waiting on quite a few things on my 3 boards to be honest). It hasn’t been as simple as examining what I want certain amounts of money for and then just watching it roll in. In fact, it’s actually been constant work. I feel like in some crucial ways, I’m still standing in my own way. I feel like there are still some major blocks I’m uncovering about my self-worth and ability to do what feels impossible. (Even though I’ve done “my” impossible many times before.)

And so what it’s leaving me with is thoughts about the layers. I’ve talked about layers before. I’ve mentioned them in regards to my mental health and in regards to my pursuit of my version of success (and even figuring out what that is because it differs very much from what others think my success is supposed to look like.).

What do you do when you realize that there is yet another layer. Is it a “CRAP!” Or is it a gentle “oh what do we have here?”

It may depend on the subject and your mood at the moment like it does for me. I think somehow, we got the wrong message that there is such a thing as fully being done with something. Or fully mastering something. And I think we are really bad in general about noticing, let alone celebrating the baby steps and the little pieces of evidence.

I know for myself, especially with money considerations, I have to continuously remind myself to look for the little bits of evidence and also to be easy and kind to myself. There is no pass/fail. It’s only evaluating and adjusting and then getting back out there in the game.

Maybe you are like me? I’m really good at getting back out there in the game. But what I’ve been traditionally really bad about is giving myself a failing grade. I don’t even think to evaluate, adjust and tweak. I just blanketly look at what I asked for versus what I got and think FAIL if it’s not exactly what I thought I needed it to be.

How often are you doing this? It’s a good question to ask yourself. I think in answering it, you and me, we both will find the shortcut to the easy way.

The annoying truth is that manifesting really is easy. It really is just a law of the Universe that you can’t help but utilize. It really is just about getting better at training your thoughts and emotions on what it is you actually do want. So that evaluating and tweaking part is what gets you past blindly grasping at straws and throwing your hands up in disgust when you feel like you’re floundering. It’s what helps you hone it in and fashion yourself into an expert.

And it brings me back to the book and a new way to see being told about concepts I learned at least 2 years ago if not more. It’s just tweaking. It’s just another layer. It’s just another light bulb. It’s just about sharpening myself into an expert. And so it’s something to be incredibly grateful for instead of slightly annoyed by.

I’m working on it :-). How about you?

Healing old daddy issues...

Still smiling because perspective is everything!

It has been one heck of a week. On Tuesday, I put a big pause on a relationship that I thought was going somewhere. And that opened the floodgate of all of my old fears and doubts. I could feel the creep in of “omg Leah, really? Another fizzle? AGAIN? What is the deal?” The “why are you trying” track started vying for airtime. The “look at how everything *isn’t* where you want it to be” track started getting louder. And the ever so popular of the last 5 years “You are getting old Leah. You are 41 (this year). And you still think kids and marriage are in your future? Really?” track began beating a dull drum in my head as well. Not to mention the standard “where is the money honey?? Where is the wild success chica?? When are you going to have something to write home about for real girl??” symphony.

By now though, I know not to put a lot of attention on those thoughts. I can’t always stop them but I can at least acknowledge that this is just my old stuff being really loud and annoying at the moment. I can acknowledge that it feels draining and that I need a rest from life as scheduled and in that same moment also still ask the Universe for some deliverance, a change and shift in my perspective plus my sunshine mojo back.  

And I really have to give the Universe all the credit that it is due. God/Goddess really carried me this week. Like I said, I was drained and so my ability to be intentional, at least purposefully, was really low. But I did have enough energy to ask for guidance and to pay attention to signs.

---

One sign led me to reach out in two of my online groups about two different exercises I hadn’t had a chance to complete from previous courses. One was a money mindset exercise and the other was a psychic development exercise. I randomly had the impulse to reach out and whichever morning it was, I did and promptly found two partners.

Another sign led me to reach out to another intuitive friend of mine for some support and I have to admit, I actually got really bratty and ‘omg not this again’ with her lol. But again, the Universe was directing every step, because had I not gotten bratty and whiny, I don’t think we would have gotten to the tiny kink that was messing with my flow. She saw that my kink, the hidden snag that has been tripping me up for so long (think short-lived relationship time and time again, think promising success and then disappointing stagnation, think really great highs and really horrific lows DESPITE incredible amounts of effort) had to do with unresolved stepdad issues.

---

I was not happy to hear this to say the least, mostly because I could have sworn that I have been working through deciphering those issues for at least the last decade. I know there is always more stuff to uncover, forgive, work through, but I really thought I had been diligent about that work and not ignoring guidance. Nonetheless though, I said I would sit with it and journal it out.

And in my journaling I did discover some hidden truths. I realized that I was still carrying around that thought that there is a prerequisite to being worthy. Like you have to prove it first and then be treated as such. And that once you get that approval going, you better work hard to keep it. And you better not get comfortable feeling like you deserve all the accolades that come with worthiness because you could be proven unworthy at any moment. And you probably would be.

As silly as it sounds on both ends, I really didn’t know I was still carrying that. I really thought that I had dealt with the need for validation. But even as I type that, I’m realizing that this and validation are slightly different. This feels more like the King on the Throne bestowing upon you value and then deciding to taketh it away at a whim if you disappoint him. Or even just arbitrarily once you begin to bore him. Validation is more like needing your fellow servant boyfriend to keep telling you that you are awesome.

So yes, I still had that sticky fly paper stopping my progress. And I made a significant but real shift with that realization. If manifested in me feeling all of a sudden free of needing to care about said significant other’s emotions or reasons for this or that. All of a sudden, I realized that it was his job (or the next significant other’s job) to make me care, not my job to just dole out care because I'm an empath and I get what’s going on. That’s major.

But there was still something. And the Universe still carried me right through to it. This part of the journey involved connecting with my partner for the psychic development work. We were to do intuitive readings for each other, with no assistance from any tools. So for me, that meant no tarot cards.

I’ll admit that no tarot cards is challenging, not because I’m a blank without them, but because they are like a warm security blanket. If I feel unsure in my own intuition, my cards are there to back me up. But it’s a challenge that I’ve been feeling very drawn to since at least the beginning of the year. So when this mini-course showed up, it was perfect affirmation.

So when my partner and I connected, I gave her reading first, which was very affirming and eye-opening for me in understanding how my gifts work - definitely a topic I will share about on another day. But what’s relevant for today is what her reading revealed for me.

It uncovered the very last strand of the kink - the issue of feeling abandoned by my biological father.

This Affected Me because I realized that I had never really dealt with this head on. I hadn’t made the connection at all really that this was something that could be affecting my adult relationships. Realizing my stepfather’s effect was easy. But somehow, I never noticed that never knowing my biological father and no one ever talking about him or really addressing the fact that I’ve never even met him would create some unresolved issues. And my goodness. Talk about the worthiness thing. Not even worthy enough to stick around for and save from growing up with my stepfather.

Nina, my practice partner, is a wonderful healer by the way and how she took me through the steps to clean up all of the gunk that came with my father issues was magical, simple and beyond effective.

---

And that next morning, things shifted majorly. Ground-breakingly. That whole week, I had to remind myself that I was excited to get out of bed and do what I get to do all day. Throughout the day, I had to remind myself that THINGS ARE BETTER. WAY BETTER. My inner dialogue repeatedly fell back to “See? Look at this Leah, and do you see this? Things are so much better and getting better all the time!”

And then, like a fog dissipating out of the blue, I felt my power again. I can even say that I felt *new* power. Like what an angel must feel like spreading its wings for the first time (if there ever is a first time for an angel). Lighter, bouyant, freer, clearer, more me than I’ve ever let myself experience before. Straight up magickal.

And so here I am, welcoming this new expansion and curiously awaiting it’s evidence to continue manifesting. The only thing that I know about how it will unfold is that I will endeavor to pay attention so as not to miss my signs. The beautiful thing about signs though is that the Universe will continue sending them until you notice them and act. I’m a firm believer in that. There really are no messups.

We really are just all in the lane of evolving - at whatever pace is right for us right then.

Take Your Life Back: Getting On Track In Recovery

I was recently contacted by the creator of Addiction Hub, Adam Cook about the possibility of guest posting here, and since I've never had a guest author, I was intrigued. After taking a look at his website, I feel the content and his message are very powerful and relevant and so I've agreed to it :-).

In this article, Adam talks about steps to taking your life back after shaking an addiction. I hope it serves you or someone you love well <3.  

**************************************************************

GUEST BLOG POST by: Adam Cook of Addiction Hub

Congratulations! You’ve shaken your addiction, and that’s a really impressive step. It’s been a long process, and you’ve detoxed and learned new methods of dealing with your issues. However, recovery doesn’t stop there -- it’s really only just beginning. You need to rebuild your life and set it on a course for a healthy, sober new way of living. Here are some helpful hints to help you get back on track.

Rebuild Your Health

Addiction is notorious for ruining lives. While you were in its throes, you were neglecting yourself and your health. You have to start over and rebuild body and mind to give yourself the best start on your new life. A healthy diet and exercise regimen is a good start along that journey. As you feed yourself properly, you’ll nourish your body and brain, giving it what it needs to heal itself with healthy fruits and vegetables, healthy fats, and lean proteins. Avoid reliance on caffeine and sugar; these create irregular energy levels and unpleasant mood swings that make cravings worse and relapse more likely. A good exercise regimen will help rebuild your muscles and bones, but it will also help you to deal with stress. Exercise releases endorphins, which act as natural antidepressants and pain relievers, helping to stabilize and uplift your mood and give you optimism. It can even help rewire the brain and return it to its pre-addiction state.

Get Help When You Need It

Part of any successful recovery is social and emotional support and the love of family and friends. Good aftercare programs, such as a 12-step program, Alcoholics Anonymous, and Narcotics Anonymous, can reinforce your commitment to sobriety and help you to make contact with resources in the community. You may be required to enroll in such a program to continue receiving maintenance medications or social services. Good aftercare and support can enable you to withstand those temptations and help you make good choices in your life.

Love Yourself

A good self-care regimen helps you re-learn how to prioritize your own needs. Besides diet and exercise, you need to learn how to rest and relax. Give yourself eight hours a night to sleep so you can greet each day with rejuvenated energy and enthusiasm. Take up a relaxing hobby to help you unwind. Enroll in a yoga class and practice mindfulness meditation. Studies show that getting enough rest and engaging in relaxation techniques and hobbies help you stay sober and help you avoid sinking into a depression.

Give of Yourself

You’ve been through an ordeal, and you’ve learned a lot. Consider giving back to the community by donating your time to talk to others who are going through the same experiences. Be a role model for the successful recovery journey and share your life experiences and your wisdom. Inspiring others can reaffirm your decision to get healthy and help you to stay focused on improving your life and the lives of those around you. The simple act of volunteering your time will improve your chances of staying sober by making you feel useful, productive, and helpful. It will rebuild your self-worth and self-esteem.

Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone has challenges to overcome and problems in their everyday lives. You’ve been through the wringer, but you’ve come out the other side and you’re smarter, stronger, and healthier than you’ve been in a long time. While you can’t undo your past, you can make up for it by committing to living a better life. You can share your knowledge and your experience with others and help them to overcome their own demons. You can be an example that it does get better. All you have to do is keep working each day to live a better life. You’re writing your own story, and you have the power to give yourself a happy ending.

Big changes - Your Soul Knows

So I know that everyone is not my personal Facebook friend or a follower on my Facebook Page (you should be following my page though! Please go like it :-), so you may not have heard my news. 

I've accepted a full-time position y'all :-o! And I'm actually excited about it. Even looking forward to it! 

I'll let that settle in. 

I will be the first to admit how big that is for me. When I sat in introspection about all of this coming change, I realized that the last time I had a job I was excited about having was in 2005. That was my last year working at the Garfield Park Conservatory. That probably has been my favorite job to date. (And do you know at the time, I didn't fully appreciate it? That's a bit of what this post is about.)

That was the last job I had that *fit me*; that was work I was personally really jazzed about doing and felt in complete alignment with. I was the adult program coordinator - creating programs for adults to be able to utilize the green spaces in various classes and learning opportunities. It was a pretty fantastic job, especially for me at the time, being the INFJ that I am. 

(I just wrote two paragraphs about it that have disappeared - so apparently they aren't important to my story :). I receive it.)

But at the same time, I was also running my non-profit organization Soulistic Sanctuary and deeply devoted to the mission of educating lower income communities on holistic living principles. Because of this, I always saw that job as a means to an end. It was just the thing I had to do while I was making this dream goal come true. 

And you know what happened? In a lot of ways, I totally missed the awesomeness of that job. It slipped right past me as I was pushing myself to work on my dreams at all costs (and even work hours) and make them happen. Though I'm not going to completely beat myself up because I did do a lot of good work there that I was completely present for, I also spent a good portion of that time wishing I was doing something else. 

And that's what I am going to make sure that I don't do with this new position. I know, what is it already right? I've accepted the role as the Leader of the Future Professionals Makeup Academy at Paul Mitchell Cosmetology School here in Little Rock :-D. Yes, I'm beaming :-). 

In so many ways, just like that job at the conservatory, it's perfect for me. Completely aligned. Something that landed in my life absolutely out of the blue (but of course not really because I attracted it to me with all of my mindset and receiving work). 

I'll be working with enthusiastic students to help them develop awesome technical skills while also developing a level of empathy and depth of emotional understanding of the huge impact their work can have on the world they interact with. I'll be able to take a program that hasn't had a leader and help it blossom into something amazing and inspiring and fun (fun is big. Makeup is so much fun :-D). I'll be fulfilling a long-held dream to be a beauty industry instructor - I always wanted to pursue my esthetics instructor license but hadn't had the chance. Now I get to teach skincare AND makeup. How much more awesome could that be?

And in truth, I will still be able to mentor. I will still be able to coach. I will still be able to share what I've learned about having the strength, confidence and tenacity to hit road bump after road bump and with audacity, keep getting up and claiming your happiness and your *right* to the life you desire (Dancing on the Ashes).

And MOVE Makeup will still live and if anything, will experience even more exposure and growth. I'm excited to be moving away from doing all the things anyway ;-). 

So I'm saying all this to say that this time around, I'm going to completely immerse myself in this new role. I'm going to see it as the actual next step, not as the thing I'm doing while I'm also doing/getting to the next step.

Do you see the subtle yet extremely significant difference there?

I will not make myself run myself ragged. I will not tell myself that I'm not doing enough. I will instead allow myself to see the synchronicities and the EASE. I will receive the inevitable connections that will undoubtedly come and I will engage in them. I will continuously claim my right to take the easier route and achieve my dreams the easiest way. I will let it be fun and easy and I will move fully into all of this newness knowing that this path is the perfect one. 

This is what my reading above says to me and this is what my Soul knows and wants me to embrace. And I'm saying yes to all of that :-). 

---

And so now, I ask you these same questions. What does your Soul know about whatever issue you have before you and where are you giving yourself extra work to do, when what you truly want is already right there; you just need a perspective shift? I'd love for you to share, either in the comments or via email. If you need help with the perspective shifting, I am here :).   

A Love Letter to You

This is my love letter to you.

Because I see you.

You, who is running through your life as fast and as efficient as you can. As perfect as you can.

You, who really believes that it’s just one more positive thought, one more self-improvement technique, one more strategy, one more something that will get you there.

You, who secretly thinks it’s your fault. Who thinks there’s no other choice but to strive. There’s no other way but to push. There’s no other option but to make it happen. That anything else is you dropping the ball, not reaching the finish line, sabotaging your own chance at what everyone else seems to have.

Just. Stop.

I see the struggle behind your eyes. I see your facade of strength. I see you screaming out in silence for just a tiny, small break. Just stop.

I know it’s scary. I know you can’t fathom what that even looks like. Sounds like. *IS* like.

I know stopping feels like it could be worse than dying. Feels like you’d be failing in the most pitiful, finite way. A way that proves that all of those hidden fears you try to bury are true.

I know it feels like the hardest thing you could ever do. And it is. Because so much freedom is on the other side. So much of who you really are is on that other side. So much possibility, so much joy, so much of the elusive *happiness*. It’s there on the other side.

And I know that it is hard and scary to consider that there could be any other way. But don’t you also feel that little sliver of light and hope that there *could* possibly be another way?

I have a hard truth for you my dear. I know you are waiting for someone to tell you that you can take your break. I know you are waiting for someone to notice that you need one. To notice that you need a hand to hold. To notice that you are cracking under the pressure.

But no one is coming to do that for you. No one is coming to give you that time.

You, my dear, have to take that time. You my dear have to show up for yourself.

I love you. I see you. I will bear witness to your immense courage to be there for you.

To burn the old tired way that has never truly served you. And I will hold your hand and dance on the ashes with you.  <3

---

Please join me for this Special Live Stream on Tuesday May 8th at 6:30pm where we will begin exploring what showing up for yourself looks like. Click here to be reminded when the live stream starts. 

Recap of the WINMind Fit Workshop

This past weekend was magickal. I was a guest speaker at the WIN MINDFit Workshop. It's really difficult to explain how healing and beautiful it was. I can say though that I am beyond honored to have been a part of it and I am so grateful to be able to continue to be a part of it. I am so looking forward to the next installment on June 9th. 

My talk was all about your ego and how it really is doing the best it can trying to protect you. Once you have an awareness of that, it's so much easier to have compassion for yourself and to stop yourself from falling into knee-jerk responses of fear, self-loathing and ultimately projection. 

Speaking at #WINMindFit 

The theme of this workshop was finding the WILL to change. The next will focus on sustaining change. If you are curious about joining us, you can find more information at www.winwoman.org/mindfit  

If you know you are ready to make major changes and are in need of support, remember I'm always available to help you create your game plan. Just message me and we can schedule some time to chat. 

Reminding myself that it's ok to not be perfect.

So I had a really interesting experience this week. It's opened me up to so much growth! It's really interesting because in sharing my truth, I still pissed off some people LOL and really touched and blessed others 😊. So it just continues to prove my point 😊.

I hope you have a moment to listen to my message and remember that you too don't always have to be great or perfect or liked by anyone for that matter, but definitely not by everyone. 😊

Here's to staying as happy as you can !  

Second Episode of My Podcast - I Thrive!

So finally, the timing was right and my second podcast episode happened! I created I Thrive to give inspiration to people (women especially) who are overcoming depression and anxiety. and thriving despite it. I took a tiny break and now I am jumping back in :-). This episode is about the benefits of learning your personality type and how that has affected my life. I would love for you to give it a listen, subscribe and share it with someone! Thank you!

P. S. It's also findable on Spotify, Apple and Google music :-)